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Senior year high school, October

Sunshine, Mississippi

Most stories start at the beginning But not this one This one starts at the end Or, at least, what I thought was the end—of ht it was all over because of tords

“It’s positive”

Tords Two little blue lines

My storeen Sunshine High School football jersey clings to my torso, stained with dark sweat spots under the pits—and it’s got nothing to do with the Mississippi sun I take the stick fro one blue line will disappear

It doesn’t

“Sonofabitch”

But even at seventeen, ument—an explanation Reasonable doubt

“Maybe you did it wrong? Or et another one”

Jenny sniffs as tears gather in her baby blues “I’ve been gettin’ sick every mornin’ for the last week, Stanton I haven’

t had my period in two months It’s positive” She wipes at her cheeks and raises her chin “I’m not stealin’ another test from Mr Hawkin’s store to tell us e already know”

When you live in a small town—particularly a sranddaddy, yourbrother and sweet baby sister; they know all about your uncle who got locked up in the federal penitentiary and the cousin as never quite right after that unfortunate tractor incident So on birth control pills, and inancy test

Unless you want your parents to hear all about it before your girl even has time to piss on the stick

Jenny wraps her ar hands As scared shitless as I a And that’s onstupidity

People can say what they want about feood But I was raised on the idea that o doith the ship So the fact that irl is “in trouble” is no one’s fault but mine

“Hey, c’ht “It’s gonna be okay Everything’s gonna be all right”

Her shoulders shake as she weeps “I’m so sorry, Stanton”

I rade I put a toad in her backpack because my brother dared me to For two months she shot spitballs at the back of ht I was in love with her—by sixth grade I was sure of it She was beautiful, funny, and she could throw a football better than any girl—and half the boys—I knew We broke up in eighth grade when Tara-Mae Forrester offered to let me touch her boobs

And I did

We got back together that next summer, when I won her a bear at the county fair

She’sJenny’s my best friend And I’m hers

I rear back so I can look into her eyes I touch her face and stroke her silky blond hair “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for You didn’t do this by yourself” I wiggle rin “I was there too, remember?”

That er under both eyes “Yeah, it was a good night”

I cup her cheek “Sure was”

It wasn’t our first tiht you never forget—a full moon and a flannel blanket Just a few feet froht now—next to the river with a six-pack of beer kicked andout of the open s of my pickup It was all soft kisses, hot whispers, sweaty bodies, and grasping hands Joined so deep I couldn’t tell where I ended and she began Pleasure so intense I wanted it to last forever—and prayed out loud that it would

We would’ve thought about it—tried to relive it—years fro a baby to commemorate it

A baby

Fuck me As the reality truly starts to set in, my stomach drops all the way to China

Like a onna do?”

My father always toldto be ashamed of It was how you reacted to that fear that mattered Cowards run Men step up

And I’m no coward

I s roughly, and all et sed too I look out over the river, watching the sun sparkle off the water, and make the only choice I can

“We’re gettin’ married We’ll stay with ht school—we’ll save up You’ll have to put off nursin’ school for a little while Eventually we’ll get our own place I’ll take care of you” I put my hand on her still-flat stomach “Both of you”

Her reaction isn’t what I iine

Jenny steps back out of“What? No! No, you’re supposed to leave for New York right after graduation”

“I know”

“You gave up your Ole Miss football scholarship to go to Coluue”

I shake my head And lie

“Jenn, none of that matters now”

There’s not a single guy in this toouldn’t give his eye teeth to play ball at Ole Missbut not hter, farther