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Chapter 1

It’s been five days since I have seen Jesse Ward Five days of agony, five days of e left in

Every ti from the sure, confident, beautiful man who completely took me, to the hollow, hurtful, drunken creature who has destroyed me I’m at a complete loss Eone

In the darkness I see his face and in the silence I hear his voice There is no escaping it I’m unaware of the activity around e a slow blur I’ony

I left Jesse drunk and raging at his penthouse last Sunday I’ve not heard fro and stues, no flowersnothing

Saular, semi naked presence at Kate’s, but he knows better than to talk to me about Jesse He keeps quiet and well away from me I must be painful to be around at the moment How can a man who I’ve known a few short weeks’ make me feel like this? In those short feeeks’ I have known hih, I’ve learnt that he is intense, hot-blooded and controlling, but he is also gentle, affectionate and protective I miss him so much, but I do not miss the drunken, hollow man who I was confronted with the last time I saw him That was not the Jesse who I had fallen in love with That brief tih, did not even cohtladly take all of his frustrating, challenging ways over the ugliness that was Jesse drunk Strangely, Itraits too

I’ve not even thought about The Manor and what it represents That has al off the wagon was my entire fault He advised e if I left He had He just didn’t explain what sort of damatic brainteasers that he never elaborated on I should have pressed forsed up by hi, blinded by lust and drowning in his intensity He completely consumed me I never anticipated he was Lord of the Sex Manor, and I certainly never anticipated he was an alcoholic I was literally walking around with my eyes wide shut

I’ questions fro Mr Ward’s project When one hundred thousand pounds landed in Rococo Union’s bank account, courtesy of Mr Ward, I was irateful With so inary business trip that’s keeping Mr Ward out of the country and the project on hold I know I’ll have to deal with this eventually, I just don’t feel strong enough at the moment, and I’m not sure when I will Perhaps never

Poor Kate has tried so hard to pull me out of the black hole that I’ve put a classes, drinks at the pub and cake decorating, but I’ in my bed And sheIt’s hard enough to sithout trying to get food past the pered in my throat

The only thing I look forward to at theis relatively easy

In the quiet,fresh air, I make my way to the spot in The Green Park where I collapsed with exhaustion the ed me around the streets of London on one of his torturousat the dew coated blades of grass until my backside is numb and sodden and I’m ready to wander back slowly to prepare myself for another day without Jesse

How long can I go on like this?

My brother, Dan, is back in London tohi to find the energy to put on a front? With the added benefit of Matt’s friendly little phone call toanother ation I told my mother it wasn’t true – it was true at the tih to know she didn’t believe me, even when I’ my hair What would I tell them? That I have fallen in love with a man and I don’t kno old he is? He owns a sex club and, oh yes, he’s an alcoholic I’ve not helpedthe trip to see theree from Dan when I see hi It’s going to be the grilling of my life

Mypen It’s Ruth Quinn I inwardly groan This wo on Tuesday and demanded an appointgested someone else may be able to make it, but she insisted she wanted me She eventually settled for my first appointment, which happened to be today, and she has since called every day to renore it, but she will only call the office

‘Miss Quinn’ I greet tiredly

‘Ava, how are you?’

She always asks, which is nice, I suppose I won’t tell her the truth ‘I’ood And you?’

‘Yes, yes, fine,’ she chirps ‘I just wanted to check our appointment’