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Chapter One

Birdie

College is exactly how I pictured it

I don’t know if that’s disappointing or a huge relief

I’ on a ratty-ass couch in a frat house with a red solo cup wedged betweencloser and closer to the torn ar out beside me become connoisseurs of each other’s ne and fruity body wash and Pabst Blue Ribbon is so strong, it’s a wonder no one has keeled over froinality of s doesn’t do me in

The song changes and Halsey’s voice rasps out froed in between empty cups and paper plates on the coffee table I tipnot to fantasize about the quiet haven of ht now, I’d have e looks for eant coach sister-in-law Nao fortest next week Whatever I decided to do, it would be for myself

This party? This whole scene It’s for someone else entirely

A lot likeI planned, but walking through the quad one day after class, I heard one of the sorority sisters on a bullhorn talking about the attributes of their organization Kindness, charity, conore how fas sounded How they reminded me of someone whose memory I’m determined to preserve So I stopped at the Kappa Kappa Ganed up for rush week I’m in the midst of it now and I feel trapped in someone else’s body, but I have to admit, the sisters have been pretty nice Only one of the day luncheon with my shock of blue hair and Cool Story Bro T-shirt

The saliva soulan absent salute nals to the packed kitchen, thena sip from an invisible cup

“Movie? No TV show!” I nod “Okay First word…”

Her forehead creases “What?”

“Charades” She’s nonplussed “Neverto h my peers toward the kitchen “Next time she listens to Hootie and the Blowfish ironically, I’et it”

I wave a cloud of marijuana ss hold the place of honor on a rickety wooden island straight out of Ikea Dudes sporting backwards hats and football jerseys play bartender, pouring foahty red chalices and pass them around while woes—dance in the li me to have a drink and loosen up, but my mouth opens to ask where I can find a bottle of water instead I’h, and a chilled wave of lager coasts down over my knuckles

“Okay Thanks” I start to reverse back out of the kitchen, planning on du the beer in the dead potted plant by the frat’s front door—but a dude I’ve never seen walks into the kitchen And how the hell did Iwith a chain tied around his waist big At least half a foot taller than everyone in the roo a football jersey that indicates he’s a senior with a white S—and while the gar to contain his huge chest and overall wideness Everyone has to cra over his head into the kitchen and sets it doith a thunk on the island

A cheer goes up auy doesn’t se it There’s a line of concentration between his eyebrows so deep, it could cradle uarded look A couple of his teammates slap him on the back, but his body doesn’toff a boulder Why a at him?

I don’t know Maybe because he’s the one thing tonight that’s out of place Wait Sorry, s, since I am also distinctly out of my comfort zone But he’s in a football jersey in a frat house—the epito—and he couldn’t look more uncomfortable