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I take a deep breath and study myself in the mirror behind the bar Okay, so he’s 30 minutes late already That’s not necessarily a deal-breaker The MTA has been a shitshow lately Maybe his train got stuck Maybe he got held up at work Maybe…

Maybe he’s not like every other asshole you’ve been out with this week?

I sigh and pull out ain

“Rich, aka Dick,” I read, scrolling through his photos There’s the obligatory bathroom mirror selfie, complete with chiseled abs (albeit a really bad choice since you can see the tile le), one of him and some friends, who all have the same buzz cut, so it’s honestly pretty hard to tell which one is even hi a pint of beer and grinning slyly at the camera, like he wants to fuck it

The profile itself isn’t exactly a winner Gym, tan, and pay for so face

So, okay, rin Sue uys as all the others I’ve tried—despite the fact that at least four of uys were such high quality I figured if I had to go on another bad date, at least it could be with a hottie

But now karet stood up Again

I slide h at lass I look s

I review raaame” In this case, what he rammed it to send hiuess I should be flattered that I was included, but I was orith the hottest (irlfriend “It’s why I always end up dating chicks way out of ue,” he explained with a wink Then he proceeded to show me photos of his most recent ex

“She is very hot,” I agreed, silently adding, and how on earth did she decide to sleep with you?

After that date, there was the professional body-builder who spentto sell me into his protein-smoothie pyramid scheme Did I mention said date was a happy hour for his protein-sot a little too detailed talking about life insurance sches, much?

There was the finance bro who bought me one drink, then invited me back to his place… And when I declined, he coht -marched him to the nearest ATM, took out cash, and threenty in his face I mean, first of all, do I look like a hooker? And second of all, if I were a hooker, I would cost a lot more than one crappy martini at a Wall Street after-work bar

Which brings uy ill…