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20 years ago

It still feels like I’m on fire

I can’t e done to auze I look more dead than alive

I think of the tio when I dressed up like a et-up than that one

So I can’t move my head, but I shiftthere, dark head bowed The sniffling is co from him I’ve never seen Mateo cry before

I try to speak, but I can’t move my mouth

I have to wait for hiain, to see my eyes are open now It takes a few minutes, then his brown eyes, bloodshot and red-rimmed finally meet mine and all of a sudden my insides feel hollow, like a juicy water out its insides for a picnic over the summer

Seeing I’m awake, he swipes a hand across his nose and stands a little straighter “Hey”

I can’t speak, but he ht not know that Either way, I’m not sure I’d answer him

“Lucy broughtin all the gauze “I had to see if you were okay”

Luciana’s old enough to drive, but I’ him here like this

I try to speak again, forgetting I can’t Just the slight hpain is my reward for the attempt

“They said they gave you medicine, so it shouldn’t hurt so onna be okay”

A new kind of pain sears ing My desperatefor me

I try to speak again A sound comes out, but it’s not a word, and it hurts like hell

Mateo shifts, atteet out, but his face registers no couess, but I’m flustered all the same

I try again, and e a “Muh…”

I want to cry with how much it hurts, but I can’t even cry

I watch Mateo’s face fall and he goes to step back, but stops, realizing I can’t follow hi closer to the bed, he reaches out a hand, but auze

“Your mom?” he asks

I can’t nod, but I try to convey with my eyes that yeah, I want to know about my mom

He looks at the bed instead of me, and that’s when I know