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‘You put it very harshly It wasn’t quite like that, Cathy – at least give me a chance to explain’ He looked down at her, his eyes pleading They had been so close, closer than hters How often had Cathy shared his ca tactics, knocking on doors, shaking hands in crowded can halls, beside hiirl He couldn’t believe he had lost that hold on her ‘For heaven’s sake, Cathy, how can you doubt I’ve always loved you? Whatever they’ve said to you, you’ve always been irl, and I’ve done my best to make you happy, haven’t I?’

He saw the hesitation in her eyes, the struggling feelings Sheit, but she still loved him

In a gentle voice, he said, ‘I won’t lie to you, Cathy But you have to understand why I did it! You’ve listened to the to listen to me? Don’t you think you owe me that much?’

She sighed, nodded ‘OK, I’’

‘Thank you, darling,’ he said in a soft, humble voice

Steve picked up that note and gritted his teeth God, he’d like to s, manipulative bastard in the teeth Why couldn’t Cathy see through him? But then Gowrie had had her on his team all her life She was bound to him by old affection and loyalty It ainst him now

‘Despite what Colbourne says, it wasn’t for thewith conviction

Oh no? thought Steve, acid in his smile

Gowrie looked away, into the distance of the park beyond the stable yard, the wintry trees, skeletal and dark against the sky, but his face had an evenanother place, another time ‘You’d have to have been there to understand how it happened I had got out of Prague on a back road, into the hills The Russians were across the border and advancing fast Their collaborators in the Czech arovernment had already shut the airport and the border posts but we thought they wouldn’t dare stop us leaving – even the Russians respect diplomatic immunity But I had to et the hell out of there But when I arrived’ He

broke off, sing as if there was a lump in his throat

Cathy was ; nobody could sound like that if they didn’t mean it

‘That hen I heardfoundthatthat our baby had died,’ he said in a husky, sta rush ‘She had been so special, little Cathy, I couldn’t take it in at first, I guess I was out of rief, so was your rily, ‘Well, I’e now! She has been your mother, most of your lifejust as I’ve been your father!’

‘I didn’t say anything,’ she said in a placating voice She had heard this story fro it froave her a new idea of how it had been Sophie had left out his feelings, hadn’t seemed to realize he had had any, but of course he must have been shattered It had been his child that died, after all He was only flesh and blood She found it hard, that was all, to realize that he had been the father of another child His i like a kaleidoscope into new patterns She was so confused Her own iht she was had never existed, then – so as she? She couldn’t relate to this Czech girl, Anya – that girl had ceased to exist in 1968, she had died

I airl I am not Czech I an country

But who am I, then?