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CHAPTER ONE

Logan

I live and breathe this life Bikes, wo better I am who I am and make no excuses Icitizen, but the way I see it, our ti any of mine I refuse to let other people’s opinions keep e to live my life the way I choose There is only one day a year I throw all that shit out the , allowing the negativity and darkness to creep in And that day is today The Club’s throwing a big party for my twenty-fifth birthday They do it every year They fire up the grills, bring in all the fao home and the women and whiskey start to flow

I love my brothers, but I’d much rather lose ht now

I have a hoot one just for the peace and solitude There are times when I need to be alone—away from the club, away from my brothers Ti To me, my birthday will always be a reminder of the worst day of my life

“Hey, son Happy Birthday” Jake acknowledges, patting me on my back as he takes a seat beside me I’ve been sittin’ outside in the cold for the better part of an hour Lucky forme warm

“Thanks,” I answered dryly

Jake has been in ht He er sister “Why don’t you call it a night? Go home I know you’re not into any of this shit today”

I look to hi the last s “I think I’ll just take a bottle to ht will ya?” I ask as I rabmy way to the stairs that lead to my room

Jake understands the struggles today brings No edy and pain will forever stalk me

Once I’e ofpull There was a ti the answers to allheavily when I enty, after someone I was in love with betrayedBefore too long, Jake noticed a change inthat would“The pain of your tragedy will never go away, no matter how much you drink, son But the memory of your mother lives on inside of you How do you think she would feel to see the son she was raising, not living the happy life she so desperately wanted for him?”

I never could let go of the past, or it’s never let go of hosts of what could have been

Today is just another reminder of just how fucked up life is It’s also the only day I allow my old habits to seep in

Fifteen years ago, on my tenth birthday, was the first of many losses in my life

As a nurse, my mom worked a lot of hours, but on otten up early thatShe made pancakes with bacon because it wasoff to hile I had school, so breakfast was usually cereal or fruit Myto meet my Aunt Lily and Jake to spend the day with them at the Lake The lake was somewhat of a tradition on h to swi a ball for us to throw around

I was close with my Aunt She would stop by at least once a week and helpJake would shoith her on occasion We’d talk about football, and how excited I was to be starting camp in the summer

We loaded up the car after breakfast and soon after, ere on the road headed for the lake I’m not sure what happened Not fro in the backseat playingas the car plunged over the side rail The last thing I reconsciousness