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Prologue

Gavin

Today is the day I’ to die Just another rando the day Nothing special about it

I’m tired So daainst has sucked me in too far Asthe sun set over the Pacific after a day of surfing, this is the only way to stop feeling useless Feeling like a failure Feeling like a screw-up Feeling like a constant disappointment

To stop feeling anything

Tre, I pour the contents of the little a how such ss Irrevocable things

I curl ht My heart is racing in iving up As if it knows I’ out for mercy

I walk across the deserted stretch of sand, watching the waves break against the shore It’s early Too early for anyone to be walking the beach The sun hasn’t yet risen above the horizon behind low The cool sand squishes between my toes when I curl them

I’ve always loved the ocean It’s peaceful on the outside, but as they’ve always said, looks can be deceiving Under those blue-green waves lie torrown man down Sort of like me, beautiful on the outside—or so people tell uish and self-hatred

Maybe that’s why I’m drawn to it

I settle down on the soft sand and close my eyes A breeze ruffles y blonde hair, drying it in the war it stiff My hand rubs over the top of my buzz cut head and tears prick the back of my eyes

“You look like a goddairl with that hair, Gavin!”