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The first tie party full of football players was bound to be inti a pig nose and a shirt that says “Papa Pig’s Pizza Palace” across the front of it

I stand at the door to the swanky house, holding boxes of hot pizza, and wondering what horrible stuff I must’ve done in a past life to end up in this karmic hellhole Hellhole factor, the first: Football players They’re the actual worst, so far as I can tell— all s-like-old-socks and full scholarships for being good at hitting people

Hellhole factor, the second: Pizza I don’t even like Papa Pig’s pizza It’s basically 90 grease, and the sets in my hair and clothes for days after I work a shift

Hellhole factor, the third: Parties I’irl I’ht with Netflix type

But here I a twenty-seven large boxes of Papa Pig’s pizza (their regular order, according toboxes out of htwo trips The house is one of those totally re-done craftsalows that probably has a thousand more rooms than you’d expect based on the street view There’s a ooden front porch covered in rocking chairs, and the whole place gloith the light pouring frolass storm door It’s probably a ht across from the school’s north cah, parties in hts for the football team

Must be nice

I take a deep breath, trying not to let the exertion show as I finally reach the porch I drop the war the bell

“Pizza! It’s here!” a thick, heavy voice shouts There’s a sea of people inside, girls in short dresses filling up the hallways and guys leaning against the walls or s to none of these— it belongs to a bro who ot his phone ready

“Das it open

“Thanks— hey, we need souy shouts over his shoulder “Come on, come on, let’s do this so we can eat!”

A few girls from the hall cut their conversations short and walk toward the porch, glossy lips and heels so high they seem physically impossible to walk in “Can she co her arlorified washcloth in Septeht not be cold, but I resist

“Yeah, she can couy who answered the door says, like I’ the prerab the pizzas to hoist them inside No onethe boxes in when they’re satisfied, and they usher ht in the center of a pack of four superirls and a nuuys

“Alright, ready? Say, “Go Razorbacks”!” the guy who answered the door calls, and a flash goes off as he takes a photo I’m pretty sure my eyes were closed

“Do we look cute?” one of the girls asks “Can we redo it if we don’t?”

“You all look great,” the door guy says, and slaps her playfully on the ass She giggles and sca boxes, pulling out pizza and announcing repeatedly that this is their “cheat day”, like they need to have a for’s

“I just need you to sign the receipt—“ I say, reaching inside my short apron for the pad

“Yeah, yeah, hang on, let uy says He taps around on his phone, uploading hellhole factor, the fourth, to socialDoing so earns you free cheesy bread That’s right, folks: My dignity is worth sacrificing for free Papa Pig’s cheesy bread

I didn’t know all this when I took the job, for what it’s worth

“If you could just sign here,” I say, again pushing the pad toward door guy He’s snorting, adding filters to the photo thatnose