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I would just have to learn to live with it

My eyes cut to his reflection, and I s hard against the bitterness and hatred within me I walk across the room as he watches me with heavy-lidded eyes When I reach him, I step to his side, and with ently away from me

Liftingwith fear, I place the tips ofof the phoenix Beck lets out a sigh as I trace the outline

"What are you doing?" he asks gruffly I've never once mentioned his tattoo or inquired about it This is the first time I've ever touched it

"Where did you get this?" I ask softly, runningfeathers on the tail

"A little tattoo parlor in Palo Alto," he says

"While you were at Stanford" It's a stateht be a fraternity thing and I knew JT and Beck went to Stanford together

"That's right Got it after I pledged"

"All members of the fraternity have it?"

"No," he says with a shake of his head "Just a sroup of us"

Bile rises in my throat over the implication but I push it down Beck was not a part of my rape

He wasn't

I make myself lean forward and press e feathers of flame It's warm and he smells like Beck Clean, fresh, wild

He turns abruptly, his ar aroundthat so on that he just doesn't quite understand

"Sela?" he asks in question

"I' I should feel self-conscious over ad completely and utterly safe in my revelation

Beck's eyes go soft with syently, bends down further, and kisses , baby?"

Your best friend raped me

While I don't think you did, I have maybe a sliver of a doubt No, not really I'm sorry to even think that

I care for you more than I care about justice for myself, and that makes me miserable

Yet I can tell hio, that e, my memories, or my suspicions I need to take him as is, and let him be oblivious to my darkest days

That will be for the best

So I vow to myself that this will be the last tiet blue around the holidays Missing uess"

He tilts his head, his blue eyes darkening in sorrow for me "What can I do to help?"

I shrug, but then throw out a suggestion that I'ht make him feel like he can help "Maybe we could put up some of her decorations for Christmas My dad has them boxed up for me"

"Of course we can do that," he says, and then pulls me into hiainst ether "Where are the decorations?"

"At et them"

"So I get toto like me?"

"He's going to adore you," I assure him with a smile My dad will utterly love him

"Like you adore me?" he asks, his voice amused, but I also know this is a serious question

"Not as much as I adore you, but it will be close," I assure him

Then Beck's mouth is on mine, and I know he adores me too just by the ferocity of his kiss Maybe he can't say it in words, but that's okay with h into his actions to know that Beck is on the sae as I am

His hands co it fro theoing under the elastic of ain access and runs his tongue up my center My knees threaten to buckle, but I'm saved when he wraps his arms around them, picks me up, and turns to deposit me on the bed

Inonto the ainst ainst e, his cock swelling against my pelvis