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But I can't do this to her here I can't talk about this in the office, in the one place where she askedWe can wait a few ht," I say, my voice pitched lower than ever "We need to talk After work"

She nods "I agree" But there's so about the finality of it, that sets e

Doesn't matter I've ht, I' to tell her how I really feel

15

Rina

Cannon is still in the office when I sneak out to head home I want to beat him there, because I feel like I need time Time to steel myself for what's about to happen

I knew this would happen eventually It was inevitable We were getting so close over the last couple of weeks, and then the last few ti, it feels different More intense Too intense I told myself that I knew Cannon would want to break it off He'd sense hoas feeling, know that I'd broken our NSA plan

But knowing so hiht after Chris and Lacy's ill-advised ambush, was quite another It turned my insides into knots, and made me feel sick for the rest of the afternoon

It's better this way, I tell et over this eventually Tiht, then it will all be okay

The hard part, of course, is actually getting through the next few hours I wipe ain, check es, but not puffy I hto do that, not yet I'h this conversation And later tonight, after it's all said and done, after Cannon inevitably tellsthis anymore, then, and only then, will I let myself cry Alone, locked in the bathroom, the way I should have the day I came home from the clinic in a panic

If I'd done that, maybe none of this would have ever happened Maybe Cannon would never have found out why I was upset, maybe I never would have cottoned onto this harebrained idea of asking hi here blissfully unaware of how fucking perfect hts, everywhere Maybe I could have just gone on in ignorance of how compatible me and Cannon are for the rest of my life

And yet

Despite everything Despite how I already sense tonight will end things I don't regret any of it I don't regret getting to know this hidden side of Cannon I don't regret our tiether, even if it has to come to an end It orth it to realize that I could feel this way about sos or hookups I could actually seein love with somebody With Cannon Even if he doesn't reciprocate those feelings, I can't bring myself to wish I never discovered them

The elevator dings, the up button illu with it, si me feel nauseous with anticipation and thrilled with exciteuess otten the ht will o the same as always—that he'll sweep in here and kiss me, lift me off my feet and carry me into the bedroom to fuck me senseless

I step into the living room just as the elevator doors open to reveal Cannon, in the sahtly ru at it in the way that he always does, yanking on the collar when he's distracted by soh in his head I wonder what's been distracting him today

Probably trying to figure out the most diplomatic way to break up with me

Ha Break up? He can't break up with ain how ridiculous this whole thing is, just as Cannon strides across the apartment toward me

I don't knohat I expected, but it's not this It's not for hirab me by both ar er that I've never seen from him before The

kiss takesaround one over the top of a particularly steep roller coaster When we break apart, we're both breathless, eyes glazed

"I'ht away, and I brace myself for it Here it comes "Rina, I'm sorry, I didn'tall day—for the last few days, weeks, really, and I" He shakes his head, grimaces

I want to eht I've never seen hiitated But I hold ht now I knohat he has to say

"I just I can't do this anymore," he breathes He opens his er to his lips and stop hiht there

"It's okay, Cannon" My heart is breaking; it feels liketo set me on fire from the inside out But I owe him this much This was my mistake, not his "Cannon, I understand why you can't do this anymore I'm sorry, I knoas too much to ask The sex, the baby, and now I'm sure you've realized what happened, that I can't do this stupid NSA thing, because I started to feel for you, so I get it We're done, don't worry"