page57 (1/2)

“Not exactly a plan to make me the poster child for mental health,” she said

Manny stopped chewing long enough to gently butt his head against her ar his own version of cattle comfort

“I appreciate you listening,” she said “I guess this is hard for you to understand I’ve always been looking for a place to belong, and you’ve always been where you’re a part of things” She frowned slightly “Do you have a family?”

She remembered then that Manny was a steer and, by definition, would not be having children “I didn’t mean kids,” she amended quickly “Just brothers and sisters Parents Do you have someone to love?”

There it was Her big secret What she wantedwas someone to love ould love her back

“I want to be first in someone’s life,” she whispered “Their most important person But so far it hasn’t happened”

A crashing in the bushes hten and turn toward the sound More raccoons looking for accessories? No, it was too big to be a masked bandit A bear?

Before she could decide if she should panic, or screalanced from Phoebe to the steer and raised her eyebrows

“Talking to the animals? Is that really how you want to start your day?”

“Manny was helping oals and career choices”

Maya held up her hands “Not before coffee, I beg you”

“But it’s an important conversation to have I’m twenty-seven, and all my life I’ve wanted a fa guys? Is it so else? Do I feel I don’t deserve happiness, so I unconsciously pick the one guy on’t want to commit or will be mean to me? Am I trapped in a female rescue fantasy?” She patted Manny’s neck “I don’t think I’m a lesbian”

Maya snorted “You’re not a lesbian As for picking the wrong guy, you do seeifted in that department I’m not sure why” She shook her head “Didn’t I say I didn’t want to have this conversation until after coffee?”

“But it’s i”

“Why? Belonging is highly overrated”

“So it’s the rescue fantasy?” Phoebe asked

“I don’t think so Are you waiting to be rescued? God knows I’m not I’m plenty able to rescuethe world Doesn’t that ?”