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PROLOGUE

No one starts a war--or rather, no one in his sense ought to do so--without first being clear in his mind what he intends to achieve by that war and how he intends to conduct it

--CARL VON CLAUSEWITZ, Voe

Into kill my sister Sometimes the recollection is so clear I can remember the itch of the pillowcase underinto ainst me, of course, but it still didn't work My father walked by, tucking in the house for the night, and saved her He led me back to my own bed "That," he told me, "never happened"

As we got older, I didn't seem to exist, except in relation to her I would watch her sleep across the roo our beds, and I would count the ways Poison, sprinkled on her cereal A wicked undertow off the beach Lightning striking

In the end, though, I did not kill my sister She did it all on her own

Or at least this is what I tell myself

MONDAY

Brother, I am fire

Surging under ocean floor

I shall never meet you, brother--

Not for years, anyhow;

Maybe thousands of years, brother

Then I arm you,

Hold you close, wrap you in circles,

Use you and change you--

Maybe thousands of years, brother

--CARL SANDBURG, "Kin"

ANNA

WHEN I WAS LITTLE, the great mystery to me wasn't how babies were made, but why The mechanics I understood--h at the tie were busy looking up the words penis and vagina in the classroom dictionary when the teacher had her back turned, but I paid attention to different details Like why some mothers only had one child, while other fairl in school, Sedona, told anyone who'd listen that she was na when theyin Jersey City," my father used to say)

Now that I am thirteen, these distinctions are only rader who dropped out of school because she got into trouble; a neighbor who got herself pregnant in the hopes it would keep her husband fro you, if aliens landed on earth today and took a good hard look at why babies get born, they'd conclude that most people have children by accident, or because they drink too ht, or because birth control isn't one hundred percent, or for a thousand other reasons that really aren't very flattering

On the other hand, I was born for a very specific purpose I wasn't the result of a cheap bottle of wine or a full moon or the heat of the ed to hook up s and my father's sperenetic et reat disbeliever, decided to ask ained for They sat me down and told me all the usual stuff, of course--but they also explained that they chose little embryonic me, specifically, because I could save my sister, Kate "We loved you even more," my mother etting"

It h, ould have happened if Kate had been healthy Chances are, I'd still be floating up in Heaven or wherever, waiting to be attached to a body to spend some time on Earth Certainly I would not be part of this faet here by accident And if your parents have you for a reason, then that reason better exist Because once it's gone, so are you

Pawnshops round for stories, if you ask me, not that you did What happened to make a person trade in the Never Before Worn Diamond Solitaire? Who neededan eye? As I walk up to the counter, I wonder if soive up, and ask these same questions

The ister has a nose the shape of a turnip, and eyes sunk so deep I can't io about his business "Need so?" he asks

It's all I can do to not turn around and walk out the door, pretend I've co that keepsI am not the first person to stand in front of this counter holding the one iteht I'd part with

"I have so to sell," I tell him