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“I haven’t forgiven you,” I bite out

She laughs It startles htly ave me just after a conversation, I would think that you eak and tired And you are neither of those things, Sky You are strong and brave, and you love without restraint I wish I could beto be h, but I’ there”

“What’s it like being sober?” I blurt out Yeah, I want to hurt her, but she deserves it

“Hard,” she says She takes a drag of her cigarette and stubs it out “Really hard Everything hurts Every ht in rets, Sky I regret everything I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t I know you don’t trust me, and honestly, I don’t trust myself So, if you want to walk out of here and not look back, I understand”

She sits quietly, starting into the far recesses of the garden

“I’d like to meet your kids,” she says

I start to protest

She holds up a hand “Not right now When I’ve earned the right I’d like to et to know theood woman”

“Hoould you know?” I toss out

“I ether for lunch One tiot drunk over a martini or ten at our lunch, and she took me home in her car I didn’t use my driver because I didn’t want hi”

“What happened?” I whisper

“She was good and kind She took me home and held my head over the toilet Then she cleaned ized for her e” She chuckles “But what she didn’t knoas that herI did I ruined all of it I refused to let love in And I refused to let it because I wasn’t worthy”

I can’t even speak

“When I found out she was dying, I went to her She talked to me about the kids and her fears She cried I cried I went home and told your father what happened, and I told him that he should ask you to help That you had more love inside you than anyone I’d ever met, and that those kids would be lucky to have you Then I went and got stinking drunk and al you those kids ive up my hatred of theh the night Then I did it again after the funeral Your dad had to call 9-1-1”

“Why didn’t anyone tell ain

“Would you have cared?” She stares into ht have felt a otten over it quickly I wasn’t worth ht to anyone, and I’d set it up that way s

I sniff back nation “I would have cared”

She snorts again “I would have been your ave birth to you and then didn’t do anything else for you your whole life”

Daht