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“There are moments in everyone’s life that define the type of person you are, and the person you will become,” or soat the pile of discarded clothes at ht outfit to wear to your own father’s funeral? The words clanked throughup the track This was a decision I could use my mother’s help with, but she had spent the past few days adrift in a medicated stupor She collapsed at the hospital after the no-nonsense surgeon ca us that the internal bleeding from the accident was too extensive His words instantly snuffed out all the hope and opti-one

I could ask randma for help, but I couldn’t handle the way her eyes sith tears when she looked aton to a sinking life preserver, without her dragging me down farther Her pain was understandable My father had been her only son I considered asking my Aunt Donna since she stoically refused to cry, which would have been refreshing amidst the sea of tears that surrounded me, but even she had finally broken down

Finally giving up, I pulled out the black eyelet ankle length skirt ht me when they spent their twentieth anniversary in Spain the previous year The skirt brought back bittersweet memories for me I was jealous when they planned their vacation abroad withoutexcursion across Europe once I graduated That was my father I could act like a jerk, but I was still daddy’s little girl I swiped at the hot tears that trailed down o back in time and take that h No second chances and no more plans for the future, only a yesterday full ofmy wits before the sobs could over take me, I pulled on a black camisole and my favorite black loose weave sweater Myin the effort I usually spent on my appearance My dad would have been pleased He had preferred the “au naturel” look, as he called it, always telling h without all the extra junk” My friends, on the other hand, would be horrified, but I couldn’t find the will to care There were so s that required my attention

First and forean

Megan had been a surprise addition to our fao I elve, almost thirteen, when nant, that they had been trying for years to giveNew to the idea of where babies carossed out at their phrasing of “trying for years” Oncefactor was under control, I was actually excited at the idea of having a real-life dress-up doll That novelty was short lived though After a few years, I realized that babies really didn’t do an proved to be a cute baby and an even , andmy name in her cute little lisp as I fluttered around the house always on my way out the door Except for the hts, whichwhich, I spent thean over the last year I regretted every single one of those texts now, yearning for just one ht

As I leftwhile uest room I headed toward ently before entering My mom was curled up on the side of the bed that my dad used to occupy Her eyes ide open and she was fully dressed, but she stared blankly into space, lookingmy dad’s favorite shirt between her hands The entire room was filled with reminders of her former best friend and true love: A closet filled with clothes, the rehtstand because he loved to watch TV while lying in bed, and the fane that still filled the room, all of which pinched my heart as I perched on the bed beside her I reached over and gently grabbed onto her hand, yearning for her reassurance that everything would be alright, but her hand re more than a dead fish in mine

“Are you going to get Megan ready?” I asked

She finally pulled her eyes froan to shake slightly as silent sobs turned to tears welling up in her eyes Her grief caused ly head I ju to be sucked in So here

“Neverthe roorowled deep in my stomach could claw its way out

Megan’s room was several doors down the hall froed my parents for the room directly across fro her so close, feeling she would cramp my style Yet another decision I wish I could retract

Walking into Megan’s rooetaway My parents let her re-do her bedroom on her fourth birthday All her baby stuff was stored away and her rooirl” status The roo and soft pink walls adorned with pictures of fairies and princesses, and even her very own “Mirror Mirror on the Wall” She bought her a beautiful sleigh bed hboy dresser, but what really brought it all together was an elaboratethe eastern wall of the rooht when she saw it the first ti about her previous desire to inhabit the room closest to mine

She was still in her nightgohen I entered, sitting in her reading corner with one of her favorite chapter books resting on her narrow knees Megan was gifted in reading, devouring anything she could get her hands on and could already read at a fifth-grade level Keeping her in age appropriate books proved to be a challenge The shelves in her roo when I was much older

“Hey, Peanut,” I said, sinking onto the foot of the velvet plue were she perched

Her slender shoulders stiffened at es in front of her I cringed at the glaring dark bruise on her forehead and her white plaster encased arm, all evidence of the trauh The hospital could have at least given her pink or some other colored cast