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“What the hell did you do?” he whispered hoarsely

“You have to understand,” I pleaded “The way you reacted to Sarah’s letters, to what she didI thought for sure that you would react the same to me And II mean it when I say I haven’t spoken to anyone about this I’ve spent so long not thinking about that ti anyone to know, that anytime someone asked about ht die if they found out If you ever found out”

“Jesus, Jess” His eyes softened

“But Cat said soeand I realize now—and I’ht, I owe you this”

“Then just tellmind here”

I dragged h as I tried to tamp down the wave of nausea

“Are you going to be sick?” he said, taking a step toward me, unable to hide his concern for me

God, please don’t let this take away that concern

I pushed through, forcing the words out “I didn’t just take the position at the prison because I wanted to help the woile with fear and pain “I took it because I felt a little like one of the it”

Cooper paled “Jess”

“I was fourteen”

His eyes turned dark, hollowed Mirroring mine, perhaps, as I went back there, to that place; that horrible, tormented place

“My parents were always busy ork and each other The only tiether for us was for some of Julia’s performances They liked to watch her dance We all did

“She was eleven years old” My chest tightened at the memory, just like it had the day I found them “I’d been out with friends My parents used to leave us alone a lot so I was the one who looked after Julia There was my aunt Theresa, ere close to her, but she was at school and we only ever saw her during school breaks, and she’d look after Julia if I couldn’t So the only tiot to myself when she wasn’t around hen my dad’s kid brother, Tony, came around He’d lived out of state for most of our lives, but he’d lad I liked hi interested in us” I curledbad from him”

“Jesus Christ,” Cooper breathed

“I would go out with friends when he came around because he watched Julia” I looked over at Cooper through blurred vision, begging him to believeto her until that day I came hodown in the baseames room And what I saw”

“Fuck, Jessica” Cooper strode over tome into his arms

I held on to him for dear life “I just flew at hie just carab Julia We were running up the stairs”—ht hold of her and there was this look in his eyesGod, it was like staring straight into evil” The words tu sense that he wasn’t going to let us out of there alive” I pulled back “I don’t know if it was just the fear of a kid or if I felt soed to pull Julia away frootme until suddenly he wasn’t on ot up, when I could focus, he had her pinned against the wall, and he was choking her I had to stop hi” I closedthe shudder of iainst his head “He fell down the stairs Broke his neck”

I found the courage to look up at Cooper He stared down attortured “I killed my uncle”

His eyes shone for me “Jessica”

“Julia told our parents what had happened What had been happening For two years” My face cruain I’d failed her “I wasn’t sentenced The police considered it self-defense—I was badly beaten andwe’d said had happened But ere both put into therapy for a long ti breath “ForTo an unhealthy degree And when she didn’t get into the school of her drea herself in my parents’ basement I was the one who found her

“My parents blamed me They refused to believe that she killed herself because of what Tony did They said she couldn’t live with the ht in front of her And et aith it because the truth is, I failed her”

I saw Cooper’s face transfor in his blue eyes “No Your parents failed Julia You fought for her” His grip on ed me close “Jess, what you didit was brave You know that, right? And every day since has been brave Why are you punishing yourself? You killed ayourself and the person you loved Horrific for you, yes But I cannot say I wouldn’t have done the sa” o;What the hell did you do?” he whispered hoarsely