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Maybe I’ll wake up, and this will all have been a drea to make uy to ever show any interest in in

Maybe I’ll wake up to find that this whole list thing was a long, elaborate drea blissfully weird and antisocial and

Alone

Somewhere between one forced sip of water and the next, I must fall asleep, because I wake up after what feels like hours to the sound ofonto find the motivation to move my head the six inches it will take to confir to one side, andof its own volition I decide I’ when I see who’s seated beside me, because there’s no way Torres would be inthat just happened I’m sure Dylan wouldn’t even let hiive ht you soroan My drea me a pleasant last memory Or is it normal to be drunk in your dreams when you’re drunk in real life?

He breaks the corner off a bread stick and holds it up to my lips I don’t open

"Trust me," he says "I know you’re tired and probably miserable, but this will help And the et into you now, the less you’ll hate yourself in the "

"Already hate myself," I say, but I take a bite of the bread stick he’s offering It takes me forever to chew it, and when I’ly, I eat it

"That’s irl" And now I know it’s a dream

He offers me water, and I take it, if only to wash down the bread

"What happened to our deal?" he asks, and he sounds alry "If you’d waited for me, I could’ve taken care of you Made sure you didn’t drink toodishonest

"I don’t want you to help ry

"Because I don’t want you to think I’s about you, Nell Some of them are certainly not nice, but trust me, they’re all compli of his words "You’re not a loser, Nell And I’ to help you with that list whether you like it or not I didn’t like couy I don’t like that he’s the one who you shared this first with I want your firsts"

I force my eyes open, and try to look at hie Is this the part wherewish fulfillment? Is that what I wish? That Torres would bein his expression, and he doesn’t say anything else No sords No assurances He doesn’t even touch me He just feeds me a few more bread sticks and some water, and then leaves what’s left of the food beside es us both into darkness

Chapter 14