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Chapter 8

Mateo

Nell’s eyes take in the swi pool, surrounded by a mesh fence because the Del Vecchios, the people who live here, have a toddler A little boy Her ain

She’s been re her over here, and I don’t want to screw that up by pushing her too fast, so I add, "Or you can stay here on this swing and tell me all your deepest, darkest secrets"

Okayso maybe I don’t kno to not push her at least a little bit

She gives what h and says, "What a choice"

"Well, I do like to be fair"

She looks at the pool one h toopen the buttons on her white shirt, shedding that cock-teasing costume, and I’m hard in seconds

Damn I just can’t keep my cool around her

It’s got to be her si about Lina in that way a long tio because every time I let myself remember herit would fuck aame is why I lost her, I refused to let myself screw that up, too That wouldSo, ruthlessly, I burned away the memory of her in my bed I replaced it with new memories Not just in my bed either My truck, too Anywhere that made me think of Lina And not just places either It sounds psycho, but I did my best to blot out memories of actions, too There’d been this time with Lina when she wouldn’t let me kiss her the whole time we had sex She held her mouth half an inch away from mine, but anytime I lifted up to seek out her lips, she’d pull away Only after we both caoddamn kiss of my life

Last year, three ht with one of the girls on the cheerleading team It wasn’t quite the same I’d had to hold her face to control her h, teased us both until ere desperate, only kissing her at the very last moment

It wasn’t the best kiss of ood

But it served its purpose It had taken the edge off that rip of the past eased I’d done that so well and so often last year that I rarely thought of Lina these days

Until Nell

Because it isn’t sex that raised the memories this ti It’s the way she talks Using words that I’ve only ever read in textbooks, rather than heard out of a person’s ht Those are the things I’ve never been able to burn away about Lina, and I see them all in Nell

And I’ve starved ry now to separate the past from the present That’s the only explanation for why Nell can practically bringlook

I can’t decide whether that means that I should stay far, far away from her, or take this one last opportunity to demolish the remains of my broken heart I can’t help but think that after a feeeks with Nell, I could break Lina’s hold onto push me or not?"