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I can’t do it any love to leave me I know I’ll never love anyone the way I love Hunter, but still, I have to have hope That good things will come into my world, and they’ll stay there That one day, soe as the miles speed past, all my emotions focused laser-sharp on the task in front of o I try to talk myself down froht: we don’t knohat James is into these days He could be bad news, hell, he was bad news even back ere kids I res, violence, prison maybe
But when I pull up across the street froined could have prepared me for this
It’s an ordinary house, on an ordinary street Safe Suburban The cul-de-sac curves gently past his split-level ranch house, a two-car garage by the srass is trih the side gate, I can see the brightly-colored frame of a kids’ bike
I feel a chill, but I don’t have time to process it before aup outside the house The doors open, and two kids pile out A boy,console in his hand, and a little girl She’s wearing a ballet outfit: a pink leotard and leg warmers, her hair pulled up in a bun
"Jaroceries!"
I hear thehi across the street as a brunette woman in soccer-mo out bags of groceries The boyher, clearly annoyed, while his sister turns pirouettes on the lawn
I’ my breath It won’t be, I tell myself It can’t be Ray Jay screwed up the address, or ot to know hiood piece of scum I was better off without him, that’s what I’ve told myself all these years I’m better off on my own
The man finally steps out from behind the van
My heart freezes
It’s him He’s older, sure, but the face and dark hair are just the sa fifty feet away froirl up in his arms He tosses her in the air, and she lets out a shriek of delight, laughing happily as he carries her into the house
The mom and other kid follow, and then the door closes behind them all, and the house is quiet A happy family, the picture of suburban bliss
I sit back inHe has a faht be a possibility, but soined it After all, he couldn’t care less about raising us, so I figured he didn’t want a fao his ohatever that had been
I rong
I hear a strange tapping noise and look down to find ainst the dashboard My whole body is tre, overcoht here: waking up in a house with his other children; fixing the up to dance recitals and football ga asleep in front of the TV with them tucked safely under his arms
He chose this He chose to walk away from us, and never look back He chose to be there for soain, every single day
He chose to stay gone
I feel so break apart inside ofto do with e it if I tried Whatever his reasons for leaving me this way, none of them can make a difference to the pain he’s caused, the hurt and rejection I’ve carried withme to expect the worst Accept the worst No words will ever take back the nights I spent lying in bed, wondering why he didn’t love er, and confusion, and all the tears I’ve cried
It’s done
I realize it with a mix of sadness and relief, sweet and true It’s been over for years now, I just couldn’t let it go But I have to e
I’m the only one who can decide I deserve to be loved
I reach for the ignition I ca for answers fro I feel the weight slip frole ofair cool and crisp in hter outside h the surface, after spending years caught adrift in the h It’s not my fault they couldn’t stay
Movement co for theHe pauses on his way back to the house, looking across the street atacross the street A world apart, sharing nition The truck ru hiies--the dinner will have to wait for so I need to do," I explain "I don’t know if I’ve got the tiirl," I can hear the s offer to smash his face in Any tiht? I’ll always be there"
"I know," I ser," Juliet’s voice comes down the line "You’re welcons!"
E it si in Beachwood Bay, no fuss"
"Sues with his to do and boys to win We’ll talk soon Good luck!"
I hang up, and get back on the road, heading for Beachwood as fast as Garrett’s old truck will take me And with everyure out what you want and then fight like hell Because it’s never easy, not when your heart’s on the line
I’ve never fought for a e war against a thousand armies, cross the world, travel to hell and back He’s the only man I’ve ever loved, and the only one I ever want to