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His hand fell slack, the papers falling to flare out on the Aubusson rug

He should have been with Em When Sinclair had returned his letters unopened, he should have donefriends with secondhand greetings He had known Eirl he’d kissed, the first girl he had given flowers to, or wrote poetry about He could not reel had not been in the periphery of his existence

And now she was gone, forever, killed by his lust and selfishness His darling, sweet Eiven her

Faintly, he heard a buzzing in his ears, and thought it could be Isabel, who held one of his hands so tightly within her own He turned and leaned against her, his cheek to her bosom, and cried Cried until her bodice was soaked, and the hands that stroked his back shook orry He cried until he could not cry anymore, and all the while he hated himself

They never ht, Gerard packed his bags and headed north

He did not return

Chapter 1

Four years later

"His Lordship is at horeatof note, but for Isabel, Lady Grayson, it was so rarely heard, she could not remember the last time her butler had said the sa off her gloves before handing the foot the extra briefheart was not outwardly visible

Grayson had returned

Isabel could not help but wonder why He’d rejected every missive she sent to his steward, and had sent none to her Having read the dowager’s letter, she knehat had broken hiine his pain, having seen his initial excite a father As his friend, she wished Gray had allowed her to provide him more than just that one hour of comfort, but he’d turned away from her, and years had passed

She smoothed her muslin skirts, and touched a hand to her upswept hair When she caught herself checking her appearance, Isabel stopped with a muttered curse This was Gray He would not care how she looked "The study?"

"Yes, my lady"

The scene of that day

She nodded, and squared her shoulders, shoring up her nerve As ready as she would ever be, Isabel passed the curving staircase and turned into the first open door on the right Despite her ht of her husband’s back struck her like a physical blow He stood silhouetted in the , appearing taller and definitely broader His powerful torso tapered to a tris Frareen velvet curtains, the perfect symmetry of his form stole her breath

But there was a somber, oppressive air that surrounded him that was so distant from the carefree man she remembered It forced her to take another deep breath before opening her mouth to speak

As if he felt her presence, Gray turned before she ht as a fist

He was not at all the man she had married

They stared at each other, both held nant pause Only a few years, and yet it seeer a boy, not by any stretch of the iination His face had lost that faint re in the lines that bracketed his mouth and eyes Not happy lines, she could see Frown lines, lines of sorrow The brilliant blue of his irises that had caused many women to fall in love with hier smiled, and appeared to have seen far more than possible in only a four year span

She raised a hand to her bodice, dismayed by the rapid lift and fall of her chest

Gray had been beautiful before Now, there were no words to describe hiht off a sudden, desperate flare of panic She had kno to handle the boy, but this…this man was not tamable Had she met him anew, she would know to stay far away

"Hello, Isabel"

Even his voice had changed It was deeper now, slightly raspy

Isabel had no notion of what to say to hied at all," hetoward her The previous cockiness of his bearing was gone, replaced by the type of confidence one gained fro in a deep breath, she was inundated with the familiar scent of him A little spicier, perhaps, but he s up at his i helplessly

"I should have written," he said

"Yes, you should have," she agreed "Not just to warn me of your intent to visit, but before, if only to say that you ell I have been worried about you, Gray"

He gestured with his hand toward a nearby chair, and she sank into it gratefully As he arb While he wore trousers with jacket and waistcoat, the garments were plain, and of co these last years, it apparently had not required the latest fashions

"I apologize for your worry" One side of his host of his former smile "But I could not tell you I ell, when I was far from it I could not bear to look at letters, Pel It was not because they were froht of correspondence But now…" He paused, and his jaw tightened, as if with deter"

"Oh?" Her stoone Instead of the easy comfort she had once enjoyed with him, she now felt decidedly nervous

"I have come here to live If I can remember how to do that"

"Gray--"

He shook his head, his slightly-longer-than-fashionable locks drifting about his neck "No pity, Isabel I do not deserve it What’s more, I don’t want it"

"What do you want?"

His s, but mostly I want companionship And I want to be worthy of it"

"Worthy?" She frowned

"I was a dreadful friend, as are most selfish people"

Isabel stared down at her hands and noted her gold wedding band--a syer "Where have you been, Gray?"

"Taking stock"

So he was not going to tell her "Very well, then What do you want from me?" She lifted her chin "What service can I provide?"