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Jax was quiet as he brushed a few strands of my hair back "Do you knohat I see when I see your back?"

"That it kind of looks like the Appalachian Mountains on a map?" I joked, but it fell flat as an iron

"No, honey" He took a deep breath "I’ to sit here and tell you that what I see right now is easy to look at"

Oh God My heart dropped and I thought I ht hurl

"But it’s not the reasons you think," he continued, and then I felt it, his hand over the worst part of my back, and my entire body seeo anywhere, because he was practically lying on me "When I see your back, what I think about is the pain you had to have experienced I don’t personally knohat it feels like, but I had hot shrapnel rip through my skin, and I’m sure that wasn’t even a ball’s hair worth of what you felt But when the bomb went off in the desert, I saw soldiers--my friends--catch on fire"

I squeezed es I didn’t want to see but needed to

"And I know that there is no amount of pain meds that really dulls these kinds of burns and you lived through that That’s what I think about when I see the scars shaped your life How they’ve beaten you dohen you still are one of the irls I’ve ever seen and these scars don’t even touch that They aren’t anything compared to your smile or your pretty blue eyes or that sweet ass"

Oh my God

He wasn’t done "You knohat else I see? A physical re brave you are That’s what I see when I look at your back A e"

Oh my God

Tears pricked at ain, ready to pour forth and flood the earth

"And that shit isn’t ugly" His voice dropped to a whisper

I twisted, pushing up on ain His face blurred "Jax"

"That shit is beautiful in its oay, but still fking beautiful"

So to start sobbing, because that was theI’d ever heard, and all I could say was a lame "Thank you"

One side of his lips kicked up

I wanted to saythat his phone started ringing, because I was seconds away fro him that I loved hiht now, but later, and I figured thatlike that, but oh God, I did love hinored his phone as he rolledonto one arm pressed into the pillow, he brushed away the tears with his other hand "Finally"

A little kernel of "getting it" was there, and it was sile, but it was there, pitted in my stomach like a little seed that just started to sprout It needed love and care, but I was starting to get it

He grinned and said, "Yeah" Then he dipped his head, kissing ain He pulled back, shooting a glare in the direction of the nightstand

"You should get that" My voice was thick

Jax really didn’t look like he wanted to, but with a curse, he shifted off me and snatched his phone He answered the call with a "What?"

I’d just settled back against the pillow, about to replay his whole speech over again in a slightly obsessive hen Jax suddenly sat up "What?"

The tone of his voice caused a rush of unease, and I reacted to it Sitting up, I grabbed the sheet and tugged it toon?" There was a stretch of silence and then he was on his feet, and I was staring at his firlanced over his shoulder aton?" I asked as soon as he lowered the phone

Jax grabbed his jeans and briefs off the floor "You got to get up and get dressed, honey"

The tone of his voice brooked no roo was up, and I did what I was told I tossed the covers and stood Jax already had his jeans on when he was suddenly in front of me

The air left me when I saw the look in his eyes Oh no My heart kicked up "It’s Mom, isn’t it? They’ve found her bo--"

"No, honey, it’s not yourmine "It’s Clyde And it’s serious He had a heart attack"

One of the reasons why I wanted to be a nurse was that I hated hospitals They were a cesspool of unwelcorief, pain, and desperation, and in a way, beco a nurse was a way to overcome that hate and that fear But for evenof my future career and I hated the ti another horrificroom outside the intensive care unit and we’d been there for at least a half an hour We’d checked in, were told that Clyde’s doctor would be to see us soon, but no one had coood

The room was erateful, because I was barely holding it together When Teresa had called because they were five otten about them Once I explained what happened, she iomery Hospital, but I’d told them not to and that I’d keep them up to date First off, I wanted them to enjoy their day in Philly, and second, I would lose it if they were here

I was going to lose it anyway

Now I paced the length of the sterile white room with taupe chairs and couches All I kneas that it was a heart attack and it was bad Clyde was in surgery That’s it

"Honey, I think you should sit down," Jax suggested