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He tried to look down at her, but he was afraid he’d ain
‘What?’ he said ‘No What if they don’t want you to stay?’
‘Then they can figure out how to get ive ’
‘But …’ I’ my problem
‘It et home by dark’
‘But if I leave soon …’ His voice dropped ‘I leave soon’
‘We have to say goodbye anyway,’ she said
‘Does it ?’
‘Are you kidding?’ He looked down at her, hoping he’d miss his turn ‘Yes’
Eleanor
‘It just makes more sense,’ she said And then she bit her lip The only way she was going to get through any of this was by force of will
The houses were starting to look faray and white clapboard houses set far back on their lawns Eleanor’s whole family had come up here for Easter the year after her dad left Her uncle and his ere atheists, but it was still a really fun trip
They didn’t have kids of their own – probably by choice, Eleanor thought Probably because they knew cute kids grow up into ugly, probleers
But Uncle Geoff had invited her here
He wanted her to come, at least for a few ht away, maybe he’d just think she was early
‘Is that it?’ Park asked
He stopped in front of a gray-blue house with atree in the front yard
‘Yeah,’ she said She recognized the house
She recognized her uncle’s Volvo in the driveway
Park stepped on the gas
‘Where are you going?’
‘Just … around the block,’ he said
Park
He drove around the block For all the good it did him Then he parked a few houses down from her uncle’s, so they could see the house from the car
Eleanor couldn’t look away frooodbye to him Now And she didn’t kno
Park
‘You reht?’
‘867-5309’
‘Seriously, Eleanor’
‘Seriously, Park I’et your phone nuht
Collect And give me your uncle’s number Or, if he doesn’t want you to call, send the number to me in a letter – in one of the ht send earshift and took her hand ‘You’re not going back there If your uncle sends you houre it out My dad already said that they would’
Eleanor’s head fell forward
‘He’s not going to send you ho to help …’ She nodded deliberately at the floor ‘And he’s going to let you accept fre-quent, private, long-distance phone calls …’
She was still
‘Hey,’ Park said, trying to lift up her chin
‘Eleanor’
Eleanor
Stupid Asian kid
Stupid, beautiful Asian kid
Thank God she couldn’t ht now, because if she could there’d be no end to the e she’d say to hi her life Not just yesterday, but, like, practically every day since they’d irl If you can’t save your own life, is it even worth saving?
There’s no such thing as handso as happily ever after
She looked up at Park Into his golden green eyes
You saved ood Probably just temporarily
But you saved ht now is yours Always
Park
‘I don’t kno to say goodbye to you,’ she said
He smoothed her hair off her face He’d never seen her so fair ‘Then don’t’
‘But I have to go …’
‘So go,’ he said, with his hands on her cheeks ‘But don’t say goodbye It’s not goodbye’
She rolled her eyes and shook her head
‘That’s so lame’
‘Seriously? You can’t cut me five minutes of slack?’
‘That’s what people say – "It’s not goodbye"
– when they’re too afraid to face what they’re really feeling I’ to see you toain That deserves oodbye"’
‘I’,’ he said
‘Not you,’ she said, her voice breaking ‘Me’
‘You,’ he said, putting his ar himself that it wouldn’t be the last tiain, like she was trying to shake off the tears
‘Just kiss ht Not ever
Eleanor
You think that holding so them closer You think that you can hold them so hard that you’ll still feel them, embossed on you, when you pull away
Every ti loss of hiot out of the truck, it was because she didn’t think she could stand touching and untouching hiain The next time she ripped herself away, she’d lose soet out with her, but she stopped him
‘No,’ she said ‘Stay’ She looked up anxiously at her uncle’s house
‘It’s going to be okay,’ Park said
She nodded ‘Right’
‘Because I love you’
She laughed ‘Is that why?’
‘It is, actually’
‘Goodbye,’ she said ‘Goodbye, Park’
‘Goodbye, Eleanor You know, until tonight