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"My father needs his diaper changed"

She didn’t look up "They all need their diaper changed" When Guilder didn’t e They were very dark, and heavily lined "I’ll tell someone"

"Please do"

At the door he stopped The nurse had already resuoddae came over him Guilder wanted to shove her pencil down her throat "Pick up the fking phone if you’re not going to do it yourself"

With a huff she lifted the phone and dialed "It’s Mona at the front Guilder in 126 needs changing Yes, his son is here Okay, I’ll tell hi up "Happy?"

The question was so absurd he didn’t knohere to begin

Guilder wouldn’t die like his father-just the opposite ALS: amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, ’s disease Majorand di into uselessness, followed by speech and the ability to s The spontaneous laughing and crying were a mystery-nobody knew quite why this happened Ultimately he would die on a respirator, his body utterly stilled, unable to move or speak But worst of all was the fact that he would experience no diminishment of his ability to think or reason Unlike his father, whose mind had failed first, Guilder would live everydeath, no one but some sulky nurse for conosis, he had gone through a period of profound shock That was the explanation he gave hih, of course, that wasn’t even her real na her on the second Tuesday of each month, always at the apartment provided by her employers She was dark-skinned and slihter, though this was not the attraction-if anything, he would have preferred that she were older He had originally found her through a service, but after a probationary period he had been permitted to call her directly The first tie boy It had been a while since he’d been with a wo that he wouldn’t irl had quickly put hi command of the occasion Always the ritual was the sa the bell outside; the buzzer would sound; he wouldin the open door, wearing a welco smile and dressed in a black cocktail dress beneath which lay an erotic treasure of lace and silk A few pleasantries, asin the afternoon, followed by the unremarked-on placement of the envelope of cash on the dresser; then on to the thing itself Always Guilder undressed first, then watched as she did so herself, allowing the cocktail dress to fall to the floor like a curtain before stepping regally away from it She made love to him with an enthusiasm that seemed neither manufactured nor overly professional, and for those slenderelse in his life ca At the moment of his release, Shaould say his na itself in a wholly persuasive facsimile of wo on these sounds and sensations, riding them like a surfer onto a tranquil shore

Why don’t I see you more often? she would ask his I do? There isn’t anybody else, is there? I want to be your only one, Guilder Very happy, he would say, stroking her velvety hair I couldn’t be happier than I a about her at all-at least, nothing real Yet in the weeks that followed his diagnosis, the only refuge his mind could take was in the absurd idea that he was in love with her The ical subtext was obvious-he didn’t want to die alone-but at the time, he’d been utterly convinced He was madly, hopelessly in love, and wasn’t it possible, likely even, that Shawna shared his feelings? Was that what she meant when she said she wanted to be his only one? Because what they did and said to each other couldn’t be false; those things occurred on a plane that only two people ere truly connected could share

On and on like this, until he had worked hiht about He decided he would give her so expensive and worthy of his feelings Jewelry It had to be jewelry And not so ized by this decision, he wrapped the Tiffany box in silver paper and drove to Shawna’s apartment It wasn’t Tuesday, but that didn’ta person could schedule He rang the bell and waited Minutes passed, which was strange; Shaas always very proain This time the speaker made a little burst of static and he heard her voice "Hello?"

"It’s Horace"

A pause "I don’t have you in the book Do I? Maybe this isfor you"

The speaker see on a second"

A fewthe stairs Perhaps the buzzer wasn’t working; Shaas coure that turned the corner wasn’t Shawna It was a ish face of a Russian gangster, wearing a rumpled pin-striped suit, his necktie loosened The iitated state, Guilder’sGuilder a cursory glance as he passed

"Lucky you," he said, and winked

Guilder hurried up the stairs He knocked three ti open Shaasn’t wearing the dress, just a silk robe cinched at the waist Her hair was disheveled, hera nap

"Horace, what are you doing here?"

"I’m sorry," he said, suddenly breathless "I know I should have called"

"To tell you the truth, it’s not really the best time"

"I’ll only be a minute Please, can I come in?"

She eyed hiht It’ll have to be quick, though"

She stood aside to let hih Guilder couldn’t say exactly what It seemed dirty, the air unpleasantly dense

"Nohat’s this I see?" She was eyeing the silver-papered box "Horace, you shouldn’t have"

Guilder held it out to her "This is for you"

With a war and rehtful What a pretty thing"

"It’s an heirlooed to my mother"

"That makes it even ive ht with you, baby"

A titanic wave of love broke over him It was all he could do not to throw his arms around her and press his mouth to hers "I want to lanced at her watch "Well, sure If that’s what you want I don’t have the full hour, though"

Guilder had begun to undress, tips But so He sensed her hesitation

"Isn’t there so?" she asked

Thefor How could she think about money at a time like this? He wanted to tell her that what they shared couldn’t be counted in dollars and cents, words along those lines, but all he ed to say was "I don’t have it with me"