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I paused once I had my boxer briefs on, and hesitated for only a second before deciding to tell her the truth "Forgot he was here, forgot he was sick Forgot everything"

Red stained her cheeks as she shrugged into her shirt, but she remained silent as she climbed off the bed and pulled on the shorts I had tossed at her She walked slowly up to me to kiss my bare chest, her blue eyes flashed up to mine for a brief second when she said, "Glad I wasn’t the only one Give me just a minute, I’ll be back"

I watched her walk out of the roo the on her nightstand next to a shtat the offending object for what felt like years as I tried toother than the brown, slightly worn, soft leather journal that had entered o

After long hten, and walked over to the nightstand I picked up the pen that sat on top, and ran my hand over the journal

Not her Not her, not her, not her Not this It can’t be the sas

Words, to me, had been an escape from the Deacon everyone knew She’d been a way for me to be myself when no one else had allowed me to be, and then I hadn’t been able to leave her

I opened the cover, and"Fuck"

I flipped faster through the book until I got to the pages where ritten back and forth to each other, then slahtstand

"This isn’t happening This isn’t fucking happening," I hissed

It didn’t matter that I’d visualized Charlie as Words, she couldn’t be her

Because before I had been terrified about what Charlie would say if she’d ever found out about Words, but now I didn’t knohat to do about the fact that while I’d been trying to win Charlie over during the day, she’d spent her nights freely talking to a stranger in a way I always had to beg her to talk to ed into it and my shoes as I hurried out of Charlie’s roo room just as she did froether when she saw h her eyes before she could try to hide it, but her shoulders still sagged as she studied "

It wasn’t a question, and it sounded as if she’d expected this all along

I wanted to fall to my knees in front of her and wrap my arms around her I wanted to tell her that not everyone would do what Ben had done to her; that despite iven her heart to was the real Deacon The Deacon that wanted nothing ht, in the same bed as her

But all I could think about were s Charlie had thought she was saying to another man--and my need to prove that this wasn’t real somehow That maybe she’d just found the journal because she worked at Ma before I could shake my head "No Not like that," I said quickly

Her face was now guarded as her head slowly bowed, her stance rigid as she curled her arm around her waist

No No, don’t hide froht as etbefore I lostI could think of in that moment "Condoms" I sed past my unease, and pointed at the door