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As I pen these words, I deal with the effects of what happened in the early fall of 1994 I forget things - I've learned that a short pencil is better than a long memory - and only come to cherishedwith aroer avalanches of uncontrollable ht ofleaves rear smoke evokes Russell and Main Street; burnt rubber takes me back to Atlantic City The force of such memories paralyzes me It's as if my memories have me It makes for a distracted lifestyle Pictures are e of an unpredictable memory strand

Since ents I rarely finish a thought let alone a project My shrink suggested penning this, she says it's great exercise in staying focused; I pray it will exercise my demons My shrink is a sadist, but she's patient Krista is everything I like in a woman, too bad she's e difference wouldn't bother ers a clear ht My father insists I was driving around looking for Ellie, she ran away the previous night He said I orried sick - I don't re the pole He says no one witnessed the accident The police said that my car rapped around the pole like an accordion I was found sprawled across the front seat, unconscious They said I was lucky not to be wearing my seatbelt, if I was I would have been sliced in two by the door I'd rather not think about the details Diane and my father took pictures of my hooptie - for posterity sake, they said; I refuse to look at them, the idea seems morbid

I could have sworn there was someone in the car with me, both my father and the police insist I was alone Why would they lie? I guess it's another example of how people once present inin and out of a coma Ironically, my most powerful memory occurred the instant I hit the pole It'sin water, but not separate fro part of it The water's current separating whatever reo - dividing in countless parts, all rushing to join distant parts The feeling was rapturous! Then everything turned black