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But ait! Her view of hied with a feords…

But were they only words? Or reality? She’d already conceded Haidar hadn’t been guilty of feeling nothing in Rashid’s case, but feeling too much to be able to show it

Had he been the same with her?

What if this was his problem across the board? Not that he’d inherited his mother’s heartlessness and twisted, obsessive affection for the two people she considered extensions of herself, but only simulated it by his inability to expose his heart?

It would still make any involvement with him impossible, but it would rewrite his character, their whole history

But…he was exposing his heart now, had been coht he could What if he’dhis e herood I lost you anyway”

If this was the truth, then what she’d said to him, how she’d walked out on hiht he’d done hers

Could she— Dared she believe?

But what else could she do? There was no reason he’d have said any of that if it weren’t true

Pain crashed over her

God…what she’d cost the his face blank “I had it all planned from that first time I—pardon ether while I worked to establishin Azmahar whenour inti under the microscope of fame and notoriety, drove me to distraction But I knee needed to deepen our bond, protect it from intrusions, before we faced what the world would throw at us Withof problems, I kneould be a lot”

She wanted to screaht the passion we shared ht that, too And though I didn’t believe in my ability to ave ive s, the unknown needs, the terrible vulnerability But you didn’t”

“Haidar…”

Her plaintive objection faltered He was right She hadn’t It suddenly no longer mattered why she hadn’t The fact remained

The flow of his bitterness continued “All these years, I rationalized your parting words, excused them Excused you I told myself that you lashed out when you saw me out of control emotionally for the first ti I told ross i I must have scared you, made you say what you did to ensure I wouldn’t co how it could have been if I hadn’t I never accepted that the woman I loved considered me a banal adventure I never believed, not in my heart, that you never loved me at all”

Before she could cry that his heart had seen what had been in hers, he went on, “Now I have to accept that you never did At the first test, you proved it What you heard me say could have been interpreted in different ways You chose the worst one You’d already condemned me based on the word of your declared enemy You didn’t think ht of was how to protect your pride, how to avenge yourself As if I’d been your enee to say so, mushroo she said noould be too little, too late

He wasn’t finished “You have been treating me as your enemy, your only eneyour intense desire proved you felt so real and powerful for me But it see You dressed it in higher e in it, but in truth, you weren’t ready to give ive ht to be considered innocent until proven guilty Whatever I was guilty of—the reticence and the jealousy and the inability to deal with the weakness endered in me—I didn’t warrant that punishment But you don’t even consider it punishment You believe it’s what I deserve”

She held back tears and self-recriive in to the even if it was deficient