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I stared groggily around the unfaned to block out light, at the large flat-screen television, at , which I hadn’t even bothered to unpack I checked the clock, which said it was shortly after seven Swiss time And as I realized where I was, I suddenly felt my stomach clench with fear
I scrambled out of bed just in time to be sick in the little bathroo to ainst the cold porcelain I heard myover ain I didn’t want to have to watch Will die With an audible groan, I scraed to sn a cup of black coffee and showered and dressed, and that took reen dress I had thrown in last night and wondered if it was appropriate for where I was going Would everyone wear black? Should I have worn so more vibrant and alive, like the red dress I knew Will liked? Why had Mrs Traynor calledwhether I could call Katrina It would be seven in theTho to Mum was too much I put on some make-up and then sat down by the , and the minutes ticked slowly past
I don’t think I had ever felt lonelier inin the little roo and left I would buy a newspaper, and wait in the lobby It couldn’t be worse than sitting in my room with the silence or the satellite news channel and the suffocating darkness of the curtains It was as I was passing reception that I saw the computer terminal, discreetly placed in a corner It was marked: For Use Of Guests Please Ask At Reception
‘Can I use this?’ I said to the receptionist
She nodded, and I bought an hour’s token I knew suddenly very clearly who I wanted to speak to I knew in ut that he was one of the few people I could rely on to be online at this tie board:
Ritchie Are you there?
Morning, Bee You’re early today?
I hesitated for just a est day of my life I am in Switzerland
He knehat it meant They all knehat it meant The clinic had been the subject of htened
Then why are you there?
Because I can’t not be here He asked o see him
I hesitated, then typed:
I have no idea how this day is going to end
Oh, Bee
What do I say to hie his ain His words appeared on the screen reat care
If he’s in Switzerland, Bee, I’e lu
It’s not my choice It’s not the choice of most of us on this board I love my life, even if I wish it was different But I understand why your friendthis life, tiring in a way the AB can never truly understand If he is deter better for hi you can do is just be there You don’t have to think he’s right But you do have to be there
I realized I was holding s et a little bumpy for you afterwards Either way, I could do with a friend like you
My fingers stilled on the keyboard I typed:
I will
And then the receptionist told me that my car had arrived outside
I don’t knohat I expected –next to a lake, or snow-capped e with a gold-plated plaque on the wall What I didn’t expect was to be driven through an industrial estate until I arrived at what looked remarkably like an ordinary house, surrounded by factories and, weirdly, a football pitch I walked across decking, past a goldfish pond, and then I was in
The wo for ‘He is here Would you like me to show you?’
I stalled then I stared at the closed door, oddly similar to the one I had stood outside in Will’s annexe all those o, and I took a breath And nodded
I saw the bed before I saw hiany wood, its quaintly flowered quilt and pilloeirdly out of place in that setting Mr Traynor sat on one side of it, Mrs Traynor on the other
She looked ghostly pale, and stood up when she saw ina was seated on a wooden chair in the corner, bent over her knees, her hands pressed together as if in prayer She lifted her gaze as I walked in, revealing shadowed eyes, reddened with grief, and I felt a brief spasm of sympathy for her
What would I have done if Katrina had insisted on her right to do the saht and airy, like an ups, and a sofa at the end that looked out on to a little garden I didn’t knohat to say It was such a ridiculous,there, as if they were a fa that day
I turned towards the bed ‘So,’ I said,the room service isn’t up to , despite all my fears, the fact that I had thrown up twice, that I felt like I hadn’t slept for a year, I was suddenly glad I had coing part of iven it over