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Best before: 19 March 2007

I stared at it I half laughed, and then my eyes filled with tears ‘Is that the –’

‘Date of my accident Yes’ He raised his eyes to the heavens ‘Oh, for Christ’s sake, don’t get maudlin, Clark It was meant to be funny’

‘It is funny In a crappy sort of way’

‘Nathan will enjoy it Oh, co my perfect body, is it?’

I pulled Will’s shirt back down and then I turned and fired up the ignition I didn’t knohat to say I didn’t knohat any of thisto ter his contempt for his own body?

‘Hey, Clark, do me a favour,’ he said, just as I was about to pull away ‘Reach into the backpack for lanced into the rear-view h the front seats and putto his instructions

‘You want painkillers?’ I was inches from his face He had more colour in his skin than at any tiot some in my –’

‘No Keep looking’

I pulled out a piece of paper and sat back It was a folded ten-pound note

‘There you go The eency tenner’

‘So?’

‘It’s yours’

‘For what?’

‘That tattoo’ He grinned at ht up until you were in that chair, I didn’t think for ato actually do it’

16

There was no way around it The sleeping arrange Every weekend that Treena caaht Mum and Dad would offer up their bedroom, and Treena would accept it, after they had reassured her that no, they were not in the least bit put out, and howin a rooood night’s sleep

But Mu their own quilt, their own pillows and even under-sheet, as Mum couldn’t sleep properly unless her bed was just as she liked it So after supper she and Treena would strip Muether with a mattress protector, just in case Tho, meanwhile, would be folded and placed in the corner of the living roo the sheet across the dining chairs to turn it into a tent

Granddad offered his roo copies of the Racing Post and Old Holborn, and it would have taken all weekend to clear out I would alternately feel guilty – all this wasI would not offer to return to the box room It had become a kind of spectre for ht of sleeping in there again ht I enty-seven years old I was the main earner of the family I could not sleep in as essentially a cupboard

One weekend I offered to sleep at Patrick’s, and everyone looked secretly relieved But then, while I ay, Thoers all over my new blinds and drew on my new duvet cover in permanent pen, at which point Mum and Dad decided it would be best if they slept in my room, while Treena and Thomas went into theirs, where the odd bit of felt tip apparently didn’t matter

Once you had accounted for all the extra bed stripping and laundry, hts at Pat’s, Mum admitted, wasn’t actually much help at all

And then there was Patrick Patrick was now a man obsessed He ate, drank, lived and breathed the Xtre His flat, nor with training schedules and dietary sheets He had a new lightweight bike which lived in the hallway and which I wasn’t allowed to touch, in case I interfered with its finely balanced lightweight racing capabilities

And he was rarely ho andless tiether I could follow him down to the track and watch him push himself round and round in circles until he had completed the requisite number of miles, or I could stay home and watch television by myself, curled up in a corner of his vast leather settee There was no food in the fridge, apart froy drinks the consistency of frogspawn Treena and I had tried one once and spat it out, gagging theatrically, like children

The truth of it was I didn’t like Patrick’s flat He had bought it a year ago, when he finally felt his mother would be okay by herself His business had done well, and he had told et on to the property ladder I suppose that would have been the cue for us to have a conversation about whether ere going to live together, but so up subjects that make us feel a bit unco of ether I had never quite been able to tell him, but I would rather live in my house, with all its noise and clutter, than in that soulless, featureless bachelor pad, with its allocated parking spaces and executive view of the castle

And besides, it was a bit lonely

‘Got to stick to the schedule, babe,’ he would say, if I told hie of the gaive me the latest update on his shin splints or ask , he was at endlesskit and finalizing travel arrange with a bunch of Korean speakers I had no idea what any of it reat desire to i with them to Norway in seven weeks’ time I hadn’t yet worked out how to tell Patrick that I hadn’t asked the Traynors for the ti took place, there would be less than one week ofto deal with it all, but truthfully, all I could see was Will and a ticking clock Not a lot else seereat irony of all this was that I didn’t even sleep well at Patrick’s flat I don’t knohat it was, but I calass jar, and looking like I had been punched in both eyes I began painting concealer on my dark shadoith the sa on, Clark?’ Will said

I opened ht beside ot the feeling he ht have been there for some time My hand went auto