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I lay back and I thought about Will I thought about his anger and his sadness I thought about what his mother had said – that I was one of the only people able to get through to hih at the ‘Molahonkey Song’ on a night when the snow drifted gold past theI thought about the war, someone as far cleverer and funnier than I would ever be and who still couldn’t see a better future than to obliterate himself And finally, my head pressed into the pillow, I cried, because my life suddenly seemed so ined, and I wished I could go back, back to when h Chelsea buns

There was a knock on the door

I blew my nose ‘Piss off, Katrina’

‘I’m sorry’

I stared at the door

Her voice was ot wine Look, let ot two Bob the Builder ets about us drinking upstairs’

I clilanced up at my tear-stained face, and swiftly closed the bedroo off the screw top and pouringof wine, ‘what really happened?’

I looked at my sister hard ‘You mustn’t tell anyone what I’m about to tell you Not Dad Especially not Mum’

Then I told her

I had to tell someone

There were o I could have shown you whole scribbled lists I had written on that very topic I hated her for the fact that she got thick, straight hair, while rows beyond my shoulders I hated her for the fact that you can never tell her anything that she doesn’t already know I hated the fact that forht she was, as if her brilliance wouldn’t mean that by default I lived in a pere of twenty-six I lived in a box rooitier bedroolad indeed that she was my sister

Because Katrina didn’t shriek in horror She didn’t look shocked, or insist that I tell Mu by walking away

She took a huge swig of her drink ‘Jeez’

‘Exactly’

‘It’s legal as well It’s not as if they can stop hiet lasses just in the telling of it, and I could feel the heat rising inhim But I can’t be part of this, Treen I can’t’

‘M face’ Itface o to the loo

‘I don’t knohat to do,’ I said

She looked up at‘It’s silass each ‘Oops We seeot ht?’

‘I don’t want their money She offered me a raise It’s not the point’

‘Shut up Not for you, idiot girl They’ll have their own ot a shedload of insurance froet and then you use that money, and you use the – as it? – four e Will Traynor’s e his ht? Well, start with soain, you think of every fabulous thing you could do for hiht n travel, swi with dolphins, whatever – and then you do it I can help you I’ll look things up on the internet at the library I bet we could cos that would really make him happy’

I stared at her

‘Katrina –’

‘Yeah I know’ She grinned, as I started to senius’

10

They looked a bit surprised Actually, that’s an understatement Mrs Traynor looked stunned, and then a bit disconcerted, and then her whole face closed off Her daughter, curled up next to her on the sofa, just glowered – the kind of face Mued It wasn’t quite the enthusiastic response I’d been hoping for

‘But what is it you actually want to do?’

‘I don’t know yet My sister is good at researching stuff She’s trying to find out what’s possible for quadriplegics But I really wanted to find out froo with it’

We were in their drawing room It was the same room I had been interviewed in, except this tihter were perched on the sofa, their slobbery old dog between the o deniht, I realized, I could have picked auniforht’ Camilla Traynor leant forward ‘You want to take Will away from this house’

‘Yes’

‘And take hiesting perforery on him

‘Yes Like I said, I’ hi his horizons There s we could do at first, and then hopefully so about going abroad?’