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As a result of these efforts, I had endured a brief stint filling in on a night shift at a chicken processing factory (it had givensession as a Hoy Adviser I had realized pretty quickly that I was essentially being instructed to befuddle old people into switching energy suppliers, and told Syed, my personal ‘adviser’ that I couldn’t do it He had been insistent that I continue, so I had listed some of the practices that they had asked ested we (it was always ‘we’ even though it was pretty obvious that one of us had a job) try so else

I did teeks at a fast food chain The hours were okay, I could cope with the fact that the uniform made my hair static, but I found it impossible to stick to the ‘appropriate responses’ script, with its ‘How can I help you today?’ and its ‘Would you like large fries with that?’ I had been let go after one of the doughnut girls caughtmerits of the free toys with a four-year-old What can I say? She was a s Beauties were sappy

Now I sat at h the touch screen for further erimly cheerful demeanour of someone who had shoehorned theto sound a little weary

‘U the entertainment industry?’

‘What, as in panto for a pole dancer Several, in fact’

I raised an eyebrow ‘Please tell ’

‘It’s thirty hours a week on a self-eood’

‘Please, please tell et a job that involves parading around in front of strangers in my underwear’

‘You said you were good with people And you seehts, which were green and glittery I had thought they would cheer me up Thomas had hummed the theme tune from The Little Mermaid atinto his keyboard ‘How about "adult chat line supervisor"?’

I stared at hi to people’

‘No And no to semi-nude bar staff Or masseuse Or webca I can do that wouldn’t actually give my dad a heart attack’

This appeared to stump him ‘There’s not ht-tih ti list Parents tend to go for it, because it suits the school hours,’ he said apologetically He studied the screen again ‘So we’re really left with care assistant’

‘Wiping old people’s bottoms’

‘I’m afraid, Louisa, you’re not qualified for much else If you wanted to retrain, I’d be happy to point you in the right direction There are plenty of courses at the adult education centre’

‘But we’ve been through this, Syed If I do that, I lose ht?’

‘If you’re not available for work, yes’

We sat there in silence for a azed at the doors, where two burly security h the Job Centre

‘I’randdad lives at home since he had his strokes, and I can’t cope with hi’

‘Not really Myfor hi funny’

‘And leave randdad? No thanks That’s fro in any cafes?’

‘I don’t think there are enough cafes left to guarantee you employet on better there’

‘Because I’d get so ain Bucket than a Chicken McNugget? I don’t think so’

‘Well, then perhaps we’ll have to look further afield’

‘There are only four buses to and from our town You know that And I know you said I should look into the tourist bus, but I rang the station and it stops at 5pm Plus it’s twice as expensive as the normal bus’