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There was complete silence on the other side of the door, and the next sound he heard was out of his own onized wail "Noooo!" He fell on his knees against the door, sobbing and refusing to believe it "No!"

The pain was like so he’d never felt in his life He knehy she’d be so desperate to o away It was ruthless, and part of him, the child in him, still wanted to believe this hadn’t happened This was just a night his head nu out from under the door, but there was none He blinked, still not able to believe what just happened, and then his insides began to warm This wasn’t like when his parents had passed He wouldn’t just get over it this time and move on with his emotionless life He kne he did feel He felt a lot, daht noould never pass

He hadn’t lied when he told her he couldn’t live without her Re to his feet With the adrenaline blazing through him now, he cursed God as he kicked the door

"This is the life you handed me!" he yelled as he slaain "Are you fkingme?" He kicked it even harder, and this time it finally cracked open "Well, I don’t want it! You hear me? I don’t want this fked-up life any the door open, his anger subsided as he saw her body on the floor, blocking the door, and he was inundated with pain again He struggled to get the door open with her lifeless body blocking it, but he finally ed, and he dropped to his knees next to her and sobbed

At first, he was so consuun because he couldn’t take another agonizinghis beautiful princess like that He could hardly see straight as he continued to sob like a child, taking her body in his arms

~~~

It was first time since the day of the burial Brandon visited the cemetery He’d been so bitter back then he swore he’d never return He’d told hi here for him, no reason to come back ever, but noas time and he had to

Kneeling down in front of the srave It was tiood-bye once and for all to the belief that he didn’t need love--that he didn’t need friends and fa because he didn’t cry, didn’t show e He kne just how s that for years he’d said he could happily do without He’d never be that entle touch on his shoulder, Brandon looked up at his beautiful Regina He was thankful now and would be every single day of his life that he had her in it, because he needed her He couldn’t live without her, and he told her as often as she’d let hiht it to his lips and kissed it She leaned over and kissed his head "I’ll give you a onna be over at that bench" She pointed

Brandon nodded "I won’t be long"

She walked away, and he turned back to the tos, husband and father For years, he hadn’t bothered reading or going through his parents’ things It wasn’t until after Regina’s incident when he sat with her while she went through sos that he decided to do the sas He’d buried theht there in San Diego

After reading through some of his mom’s journals, Brandon realized what those demons his father had were Like Brandon himself, Stephen had had a father as cold and impenetrable Unlike Brandon, he didn’t have a er sister, a sister who his s about Katie was the only person to ever show him love, and she looked to Stephen to protect her He was all she had and she was his world

Katie had died at the hands of a father who then turned the gun on hie of seven More than loneliness, Brandon’s father had lived his entire life with the agony of not having been able to save his sister He’d failed her, and he’d never forgiven hiether, fell in love, and married Like Brandon, his father had sworn he’d never have children He didn’t want to fail thenant Stephen was beside hiht, his mother wrote in her journal that his father was a man in desperate need of psychiatric help In her notes, she also said she saw the love Stephen had for Brandon in his eyes but that he fought it tooth and nail Then the phobia began The same phobia Brandon had lived with for years: that he would turn into his father His father’s phobia of turning into theworse over the years and turning him into the hateful one years with the same fears, he was certain he wouldn’t understand Brandon swore he’d never live in fear of his deer he was terrified of now Losing his world--losing Regina He’d lived through the excruciating pain of thinking he had, and he kneith all certainty nothing, absolutely nothing, would ever be worth risking that He’d been a changed ina But after that horrific experience, he’d live every day of his life thankful to have been given a second chance and doing everything he could to make her happy