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I want to be so fearless I want to be so bad and tough that all the ed Alina’s journal entry froain, more slowly this time

Her worst fear had cos unsaid and undone I’d never gotten that hug I knew I needed to push past the emotional punch and focus on the Haven’s prophecy, the five, and the new questions her journal entry raised, but I was detoured by hts that I’d sprawled on ood stuff, filling the house with thearoma of yeast, cara at the Braves with oldbaseball season I would have prattled aimlessly about boys and school and my idiotic co the whole time she and I were immortal

What a shock when life ends at twenty-four Nobody’s ready for it I missed my rainbow quilt I e back in e before they could sprout Depression gets you nowhere but tangled in an overgrown garden that can choke the life out of you

I moved to theand stared out at the rain Gray street Gray day Gray rain, splashing grayly on gray pave on my iPod? "My world is a flood Slowly I becorayness, a brilliant shaft of sunlight splintered the rain, directly in front ofits source The beam pierced the dark clouds, a radiant lance shot down froolden circle on the dreary, drenched sidewalk, inside which there was no rain, no storm, just sunshine and warmth I thumbed a Tums from my pocket My tea and noodles were abruptly an unpleasant stew inof the sidhe-seer’s equivalent of Lucifer

"Funny," I said But I wasn’t laughing Fae-induced nausea coupled with an i: V-l-a-n-e The only thingwas a frenzy of Fae lust, and I braced ue suddenly tasted sweet as honey, felt smooth and supple and sexy in mymy sidheseer center on it It didn’t evaporate

Then V’lane was standing in it, but he wasn’t Fae, and he wasn’t the biker man He was a version of himself I’d never seen before: he looked human, and he was definitelywhite swiold skin, and flaunted his flawless body His hair slid like silk over his bare shoulders His eyes were amber, ith invitation

He’d come to punish me I knew that And still I wanted to step outside, splash through the rain and join him in his sunny oasis Hold his hand Run away for a while, maybe to Faery, where I could play volleyball and drink beers with a perfectly convincing illusion of Alina I stuffed that thought back inso good today

I will attend to you later, he’d said last night You broke our bargain There is a price for that

"Leave h theIt echoed off the glass back at me, and I wasn’t sure he heard Maybe he could read lips Suddenly the pane separating us was gone Drops of wind-driven rain needled iven, MacKayla Upon reflection, I realized it was not your fault You were not responsible for Barrons’ interference I do not expect you to be able to control hi, I have coifts" all had strings attached, and I told hiue that tasted of nectar

"Not this one This is for you and only for you I will gain nothing from it"

"I don’t believe you"

"I could have har before now if I wished"

"So? Maybe you’re just putting it off Sucking rand finale" I brushed rain from my face, and pushed , becoeable mess "You can put theback anytime"

"I took your hand and acco you not to Null me Return the honor, sidhe-seer" The teave you my name, the means to su trust with your little display of teust of wind dumped a sudden bucket of rain on me