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She ie and stood in front of the display case "Which one?" she asked the teenager

"The one with the cherry and cheese on it," the girl said and pointed "Hello That one"

Claire reached for a tissue and pulled it froet coffee

There were four dispensers standing in a row She took a cup and ed to fill it nearly full When she carried it back to the teenager, the girl stared at her

"Mediu with you?"

Claire looked at the cup, then back at the stacks of then above the dispenser she’d used saying Decaf

The chest pain got worse She couldn’t breathe Nointo her lungs She was going to pass out and then she was going to die

"I can’t--" she gasped, and set the coffee on the counter "I can’t"

"What’s wrong?" the girl asked "Are you having a fit? Is she having a fit? Can I havein her ears Claire staggered back She leaned against the wall

Maggie hurried over "What is wrong with you?"

"Can’t…breathe Panic…attack"

"You’re worse than Nicole said Just get out of here Go You’re scaring the customers"

It was just like what had happened the last tie, only no one rushed to help her She wasn’t urged to lie down or sip water It was as if she didn’t exist

As she leaned against the wall and struggled for breath, she watched customer after customer be served, then leave They went on with their lives They had lives What did she have?

She sank into a crouch, still gasping Tears burned in her eyes This wasn’t what she wanted, she thought grimly She wanted to be more than a crazy person withand capable She wanted to be nor herself that despite how she felt, she really was breathing Otherwise she would already be dead Panic attacks were just a sensation They were a biological response but they weren’t about anything

What she wanted to do was curl up in a ball until it was over Instead, she forced herself to stand After taking in two slow, deep breaths, she walked back to the counter and called out the next nuhnuts," he said "They’re for the secretaries in my office, so lots of chocolate"

She nodded and reached for a box After collecting twelve doughnuts, ister and looked at the card There was a single price for a dozen

"Five-fifty," she said

He handed her a ten

Claire put that into the cash register, e and handed it over The man smiled at her

"Thanks"

"You’re welcome"

She checked the next number and called it out Her chest still ached and she couldn’t catch her breath, but she kept going Working carefully, trying to sive each customer what he or she wanted

One customer turned into to turned into five Eventually the bakery cleared out When they were finally alone, Maggie looked at her

"You all right?"

Claire nodded "Sorry about the panic attack It happens sometimes"

All the tiive up," Maggie said "That’s so And you helped So thanks for that"

"You’re welcoo We’ll be slow from now until lunch By then Tiff will be here"

Claire nodded and walked into the back of the bakery After re the apron and hairnet, she collected her purse and walked to her car

She started the engine and leaned back in the seat She was exhausted A quick glance at the clock told her less than two hours had passed since she’d arrived, which didn’t see days

Her cell phone rang Claire pulled it out and glanced at the screen Lisa again Nothing good would come from that call She turned off the phone and shoved it in her purse

No doubt Nicole would have so snippy to say about her panic attack, but Claire refused to care She’d h it and come out the other side It was, for her, the first victory in a long ti to take that away from her

CHAPTER FIVE

CLAIRE HEATED the last of the takeout Wyatt had brought over As she waited for the , she placed her hands on the counter and closed her eyes Without even willing theranite In her mind, she played notes and heard music The sound filled her until her body see her back into this reality--the one where she didn’t play piano anyo to classes or teach or fit in that worldShethe fact that she could barely look at the da a panic attack Maybe it wasn’t the piano shelost inherself in the richness of the sound Plus, practice and play were her life It was like quitting s--even without the physical addiction, she still had all the behaviors in place

She glanced at the stairs leading to the baseo back down there, she should take care of the piano Her mental proble on Nicole’s dinner, she found a phone book and looked up piano tuners She called three places before finding a guy ould come out this week and tune the piano That done, she put the plate on a tray, along with a pot of herbal tea and so upstairs

Nicole’s door stood open Claire entered and sry, so I brought a little ?"