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"Kent wasn’t that bad, J" Kenji frowns "You’re not giving hi kind of dickish lately, but he’s a good guy You know he is Shit is just really rough for hi sad, so apart Even if in this war, everything is going to get ets better" I pause Stare into my hands "And I think people becoh I’ve seen it firsthand With ood guy He really is But just because he’s a good guy doesn’t uy for ht for hiht for me"

"But he still loves you"

"No," I say "He doesn’t"

"That’s a pretty heavy accusation"

"It’s not an accusation," I say "One day Adam will realize that what he felt for me was just a crazy kind of desperation We were two people who really needed someone to hold on to, and we had this past that h Because if it were, I wouldn’t have been able to walk away so easily" I drop my eyes, my voice "Warner didn’t seduce me, Kenji He didn’t steal ed forEverything I thought I believed about ," I say to hiry and I wanted to scream for the first time in my life and I couldn’t I didn’t want people to be afraid ofit would make them more comfortable But I hate that I let myself be so passive s could’ve been if I’d had faith in o back to that," I tell him "I won’t Not ever"

"You don’t have to," Kenji points out "Why would you? I don’t think Kent wanted you to be passive"

I shrug "I still wonder if he wants irl he first fell for The person I e met"

"And that’s bad?"

"That’s not who I airl to you?"

"How the hell should I know?"

"You don’t know," I say, exasperated "That’s why you don’t understand You don’t knohat I used to be like You don’t knohat it was like in my head I lived in a really dark place," I say to hi hoping to die and then spent the rest of the day wondering if maybe I was already dead because I couldn’t even tell the difference," I say, more harshly than Ito it, but thearound to see if so at ht

"Don’t you think I’ve realized," I say to hi tith to break through that asylum with my oo hands?"

Kenji flinches

"Don’t you think that I think about that, all the ti "Don’t you think it kills nize ? For two hundred and sixty-four days, Kenji," I say, sing hard "Two hundred and sixty-four days I was in there and the whole time, I had the power to break myself out and I didn’t, because I had no idea I could Because I never even tried Because I let the world teach me to hate myself I was a coward," I say, "who needed so before I took any steps to save myself