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I step forward and Cheyenne backward She leans against the wall and just letsher," pushes pasther I don’t want to lose anyone else I love I don’t want to lose you" I don’t knohere the words are suddenly co from, but I can’t make them stop Can’t reel them in "I’m a prick half the time, but you make me better You make me happy I don’t want to lose you I love you I don’t want to lose you"

"I love you too I’ anywhere We make each other better"

I pull away fro ht as I can And then lean forward and kiss her It’s slow and healing She moans and I s it down Taste every part of her ainst her Pull her to me

"I want to be someone," I say when I pull away "I don’t knoho I just know I don’t want to be the guy who sells weed The one who busts his phone against a tree when he realizes he fell for a girl Who goes to jail and takes it out on her because she’s there for his mom when he wasn’t"

"You are more than that," she tells me

"I don’t know if I am, but I want to be"

"Myme "I don’t know if she meant to leave me, but she loved me And I’m not perfect I don’t want to be I have panic attacks I don’t deal with, but I need to I will"

I kiss her again because she’s so fucking strong In this moment, in the half-dark room while my mom sleeps on the bed next to us, we row up To do what the hell we need to do to not be the people who had to play a fucked up game of charades to fall in love

We’re both quiet Moainst the wall, holding each other

"I couldn’t do this without you, Tiny Dancer"

"I wouldn’t be anywhere else"

I take a couple deep breaths before saying, "I don’t want to tell her goodbye" But I have to I know it Know she’s probably waiting for it

"I know I’ht has coht Moie and the hospice nurse come in and out Give medicine Sad smiles Her hand doesn’t hold h for both of us

I knohat I need to do Every ti her die Watching her suffer Waiting

Mom doesn’t make any sounds beside the breaths that sound al do it

I look over at Cheyenne and she’s watching me I try to tell her with ivesdeath to do this, but proud too Proud because I’ her be in the sunshine

I lean forward, my mouth next to her ear My words are soft, only for her and me

"I lied to you last time you asked, but I want you to know, I’m happy You never pushedand I swear to God, I’ll make you proud of me For you…and for me too I love you…" My voice breaks The words unlock the damn that held my tears back and I finally cry Cry for her Forher "I’m happy I’ll be okay I’ll live for me, but for you too You don’t have to worry aboutlove her Christ I shouldn’t be cursing right now, but I love her I do We’ll be okay"

I swear her hand tightens on e, but I know she hears me I know she’s proud of ain

I lace e of the bed I look at Chey and she comes over She sits behind me, one hand on me and one on Mom

And ait

Seconds

Minutes

Half an hour

Her breathing slows Softens

"I’ain Pick up her wrist Kiss my name there

One ain

She’s gone

~CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX~

Cheyenne

Colt’s silent as the hospice nurse ie cries I’ to run Then I feel like a jerk for even thinking about that Bev is gone His et out of here," he finally says We leave the apartment and climb into the car "Can you call Adrian?" He doesn’t look at me when he speaks, so he doesn’t see my nod