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"Jake, what’s going on with you?" she asked

I forged a fake smile "I don’t think you really want to know"

"Why would you say that?"

"Because it has to do with Nina"

"What about her?"

Was I really about to go into this with her?

"I told you we broke up Well, last week, I saw her with another guy It’s madeup to Desiree, of all people, about Nina et it off my chest

"I don’t knohat happened between you two, but she’s a fool for letting you go"

I didn’t have the energy to rehash everything So, I just said, "Thanks"

Then, Desiree stopped talking; she never really was one for words anyway She cae , trying to relax and meditate away the pain

I wasn’t stupid I knehy she wanted to co to nuan to rub her hands harder into e er over the fact that Nina left me over a lie The reason for ot, the hts So, when Desiree took off her shirt pressing her brsts up againste continued to build insideand clis aroundue over her breast It was mechanical at best, as I continued to obsess over Nina I sucked on her hard, frustrated at my inability to beco , and suddenly, anger turned to guilt, because this felt more intiht it belonged to Nina Fighting that feeling, I kissed her harder, ainst hers I nearly took herwith her teeth, what Nina used to love to do I pulled back, panting It wasn’t working This wasn’t doing anything to erase the pain It was et this over with An i at her new boyfriend flashed in ain Desiree was oblivious to the internal battle I was fighting

She took off her panties and began grinding over my jeans I was somewhat hard, half- out of synch

"I can’t wait to feel you inside of ain," she said "Fuck me…now"

Her eyes were closed as she moved over me I looked up at her face She was in ecstasy; I was in despair

Fuck it

I’d closeinside of another wohts out ofthe bedside table for a condom My stomach was upset, and my hand was shaky as I ripped one off of the strip and it fell to the ground

What was I doing?

When I bent over to pick up the condo

My hand shook even more as I picked it up

It was Nina’s charm bracelet

I froze with it inat it, like it were a live piece of her I ers over the char all the other eer…sadness had won out It was all that was left

Desiree was breathing heavily and looked frustrated when I glanced over at her nad body "Desiree…I can’t do this I auess"

I don’t think I’ll ever be ready

She sighed "Are you sure?"

I nodded silently my eyes still fixed on the bracelet

I a her shirt back on

I didn’t even look at her when I said, "Thank you for understanding and for the food"

"Anytime, Jake You knohere to find me when you are ready I’ll be here for you, unlike someone else"

Desiree put on her clothes and quietly leftme alone in the same spot where I stayed for the next half hour As I rubbeddawned on ht she walked in and saw Lexie The charer at me It was a miserable memory but an awesome revelation If this bracelet were in ht

She had been sleeping in ain

It wasn’t over

I didn’t knohen she had been here, and it didn’t matter This hat I needed--proof from her--that maybe she still loved me, that there was hope I kneithout a shadow of a doubt, that Mister Rogers had a fight on his hands

Myas I paced the room with the bracelet--hope in the pale had turned into vast ay…clarity How could I have been so weak to give up that easily? I cauilt I experienced over the past year had brokenof the happiness she brought toof her innocence Despite the roller coaster of emotions, the one constant had always been o to her tonight, because what I had planned was going to take time Tomorroould be a new day, one that wouldn’t end until I had tried with everything I had to get her back

Nights like this, I wished ivesooner that love was soht for

A brisk wind blew into ot up to close it, chills ran downfroht outside It was Cri I looked up at the dark night sky and there was also a full moon

I decided to keep theopen…let Dad in a little Closing my eyes, I relished the breeze with the confidence that he had my back tomorrow

I had fallen asleep and woke up covered in sweat aboutcame over me It wasn’t physically painful, but it hurt in a different way It was just a bad feeling that soo back to sleep but couldn’t shake it About an hour later,and as he calling me at this hour?

I answered "What do you want Ryan?"

"Jake?"

"Yeah…who else…what’s up?"

"I’et here as soon as you can It’s Nina"

CHAPTER 29