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"I would never expect you to abandon her, Jake That’s horrible I hope you didn’t think that’s what Ito stay lad you understand"

She continued "But I just can’t be with you if you are married I can’t sleep with a ?

"I don’t consider myself coe if it weren’t forto be able to h I aally married to soh "Daria asked me to move in with her This is an extra roo for a roommate anyway I think it’s best if we live apart while we try to figure things out"

No I can’t fking live without you

"Okay If that’s what you need"

It felt like I was losing her

"I am still in shock, okay? I need some time to let this set in"

You said you’d never leave ony "Anything you need"

CHAPTER 24

I fell into a deep depression over the next couple of weeks Nina moved the rest of her stuff out, and the new semester had just started, so I hadn’t seen her much

We met in a park to talk one afternoon She see much eye contact when I answered so it had been since I had been intimate with Ivy and how ety and see, but it felt like we had taken a step backwards

I went ho a hole through the wall inher, I felt more in love with her than ever That desperate need to take away the darkness that had returned to her eyes was overwhel to touch her as she sat across fro a white wool coat and looked like a snow angel, her nose and cheeks rosy froo Now, I couldn’t even walk by her eht, I lay down on her strippedin the ether in this room I opened her bedside drawer and slale paper bat I ever rown the balls to confront Ivy about a divorce The ti was bad because she had just started that new risky ave her so to her So, I aiting, but it hadn’t kicked in yet We had no guarantees that it ever would, especially when nothing had ever worked for her

The oing to ood for e I had asked her to wait fora divorce would take? That asole Ryan was probably planning another blind date for her as we speak I knew in ainst me I needed to keep an eye on hi home sick, but really, I was sick over Nina I walked around the city aio to her I hopped the next train back to Brooklyn, unsure of what I was going to say or do I needed to knohere things stood And I just wanted to see her, bury my nose in her hair and tell her that I loved her It was her day off fro there

After buzzing the doorbell several times, there was no answer at her apartment Desperate, I even climbed up the fire escape on the off chance she was in her roo Hershade was down I knocked on the , but she wasn’t there I sent her a text

I really need to see you

I got no response after fiveoutside her doorstep

Mywhere she could be, at one point, iuy A jealous insecurity like I had never felt ininside ht now?

When there was still no reply, I threw ot back to my apartment, thankfully, my roommates weren’t home since it was still late afternoon Ryan made no secret of the fact that he didn’t want me with Nina, so he and I avoided each other I prettyarea entirely when he was home I was never quite sure which team Tarah was on

When I opened the door to ht of beautiful blonde hair cascading down the side ofinand falling sloith each breath I stood frozen a few feet away, not wanting to wake her

I noticed her phone on my desk, with the lit up notification ofme; she was asleep…in my bed…the entire time

My heart filled with love andin her beautiful silhouette curled up on top ofminute, I became more and more tempted to curl up beside her and hold her, but I stayed back, afraid if I woke her, she’d leave

I thought back to the other night when I could have sworn I sination playing tricks on ood that she had actually been in my bed that day She was always a little sneak

I loved her so much it hurt

After about ten minutes, her body stirred and her eyes opened When she noticed y "Jake…I’m sorry, I--"

"Shh Baby, it’s okay I can’t tell you how happy it makes me that you sleep inaboutabout you I had to leave early today, because I couldn’t focus I went to your apartainst the headboard "I still have my key, so sometimes I come here"

I reached my hand over to cup her cheek She closed her eyes when I rubbedto lose it Anyti stabbed in the chest

I climbed onto the bed and placed my face on her stomach, afraid she’d resist, but she didn’t Instead, she caressed ertips This was exactly the comfort and reassurance I needed, what I had been desperately searching for today A firestorm of emotions that had been dormant for years erupted inside of me, and I cried for the first tiht of the past six years was finally crushing me, and the core of her body was the only place I felt safe enough to let go

My shoulders shook over and over as I buried h the thin fabric of her shirt She heldtoo In that moment, I realized the depth of her love for h to conquer the lack of trust that now existed