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The first thing Xhex did when she checked back into consciousness was look for John in the recovery room

He wasn&039;t in the chair across the way Wasn&039;t on the floor, propped up in the corner Wasn&039;t on the bed beside her

She was alone

Where the hell was he?

Oh, yeah, sure He crawled all over her in the field, but then he left her here? Had he even coroan, she considered rolling onto her side, but with all the IV lines in her ar-ins Well, and then there was the happy fact that soe bore hole in her shoulder A nu there with a snarl on her face, everything about the roo, the whirring sound of the machines behind her head, the sheets that felt like sandpaper, the rock-hard pillow and the too-soft mattress

Where the fuck was John?

For the love of God, shehat it was - no changing that, and she wouldn&039;t want to But she should have known better than to h the traditional sex roles of va up the Old Ways, there was still a load of patriarchal shit surrounding shellans You could be a friend, a girlfriend, a lover, a coworker, a car mechanic, for fuck&039;s sake, and expect your life to be your own

But she feared that once your name was in the back of a ed Expectations shifted

Youryou couldn&039;t take care of yourself

Where was John?

Fed up, she shoved herself off the pillows, took out her IV and clipped the end so that the saline and whatever else didn&039;t drip all over the floor Next she silenced the heart monitor behind her, and then ripped the pads off her chest with her free hand

She kept her right are - she just needed to walk, not wave a flag

At least she didn&039;t have a catheter

Putting her feet on the linoleu such a good little patient In the bathroom, she washed her face, brushed her teeth, used the loo

When she came back out, she expected to see John in one of the two doorways

Nope

Going around the end of the bed, she took things slowly, because her body was logy fros, the operation, and the fact that she needed to feed - although shit knew, scoring John&039;s vein was the last thing she was interested in The longer he stayed away, the more she didn&039;t want to see his hairy ass

Goddamn it

Over at the closet, she opened the paneled doors, ditched her johnny, and changed into some scrubs - which, of course, were not her size, but led to dress with one hand, she cursed John, the Brotherhood, the role of shellans, feeneral and especially the shirt and pants, as she struggled to one-handedly roll up the bottoms that pooled around her feet

As she nored the fact that she was looking for her h her head, little a cappella versions of such happy Top 40 hits as "What Gave Hiht to Call Her Out on the Field," "How in the Hell Could He Have Left Her Down Here Alone," and the ever-popular standby "All Males are Morons"

Doo-dah, doo-dah

Tearing open the door, she -

Across the corridor, John was sitting on the hard floor, knees peaked like tent poles, arms crossed around his chest His eyes met hers the instant she made an appearance - not because he looked her way, but because he had been focused on the space she would fill long before she had actually co in her brain silenced: He looked like he had been through hell and had carried the fla roo his arht like your privacy

Well, shit There he went, ruining her bad te over, she eased herself down beside hi that on purpose - as a way to honor her independence

"Guess this was our first fight," she said

He nodded I hated it The whole thing And I&039;m sorry - I just I can&039;t explain what came over me, but when I saw you injured, I snapped

Her exhale was long and slow "You were okay with ht before ere mated, you said you were cool with it"

I know And I still am

"You sure about that"

After a ain I love you

"Me, too I mean, you You know"

But he hadn&039;t really answered her, had he And she didn&039;t have the energy to follow up any further The pair of them just sat on that floor in silence until eventually she reached out and took his hand

"I need to feed," she said roughly "Will you"

His eyes shot to hers and his head bobbed Always, he ot to her feet without his aid and extended her free hand to hith and pulled him up Then she led him into the recovery room, and locked the doors with herhis palms on his leathers as if he were nervous, and before she could go over to hiet close to you like this - I&039;m covered in blood

God, she hadn&039;t even noticed he was still in his fighting clothes "Okay"

They traded places, she heading for the edge of thefor the bathroom to turn on the hot water He left the door open so as he stripped off his muscle shirt, she watched his shoulders bunch and twist

Her name, Xhexania, was not just tattooed, but carved in beautiful symbols across his back

As he bent down to draw off his leathers, his assas he shucked one leg and then the other When he got in the shower, he went out of eyeshot, but he returned soon thereafter

He was not aroused, she realized

First time for that Especially as she was about to feed

John wrapped a towel around his hips and tucked the end in at his waist As he turned to her, his grave eyes made her sad Would you like me to put on a robe?

What the hell had happened to theh too ood stuff only to screw it up

"No" She shook her head and wiped her eyes "Please no"