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Xhex woke up alone in the room off the OR, and yet she sensed that John wasn&039;t far

The draw to find his off the bed As she waited for her heart to stop thu from the effort, she noticed dimly that her hospital johnny had hearts on it Little pink and blue hearts

She couldn&039;t evenher and her skin was prickling all over And she had to get to John

Glancing over, she saw that the IV in her ar off the bed&039;sheadboard Crap What she needed was one of those rolling poles they used to put &039;em on Could have used the help with the whole balance-while-upright thing

When she finally put soht on her feet, she was relieved to find she didn&039;t face-plant right away And, after aof fluids free and carried it with her, giving herself a pat on the back for being such a good little patient

Thing was kind of like a handbag Maybe she&039;d start a new trend

She took the door that led directly out into the corridor, as opposed to going through the OR After all, the episode with Doc Jane and John&039;s procedure had helped her phobia, but she had quite enough to deal with at theshe needed was to walk into another operation--and God only knehat they were doing to that poor female who&039;d been rolled in after her

Xhex stopped with one foot into the hallway

John was all the way down by the office, standing outside the glass door and facing the wall across froh the concrete and his erid was di

He was in

He didn&039;t know for sure whether she had lived or died yet he felt as if he had already lost her

"Oh John"

His head snapped toward her Shit, he signed, hustling down to her What are you doing out of bed?

Xhex started to walk in his direction, but he got to her first, rushing up as if he were going to scoop her into his ar her head "No, I&039;m steady--"

At which point, her knees buckled and he was all that kept her fro in that alley and Lash stabbing her

John hat had saved her froth, he carried her back into the recovery roo

How&039;re you feeling? he signed

She stared up at hihter and the lover, the lost soul and the leader the bonded o

"Why&039;d you do it?" she said through an aching throat "Back in that alley Why did you let me kill him?"

John&039;s vivid blue eyes locked on hers as he shrugged I wanted you to have that It was uess it&039;s called There&039;s a lot of shit in this world that never coht and you deserved the satisfaction

She laughed a little "In a weird way it&039;s theanyone&039;s ever done for me"

A faint blush hit his cheeks, and juxtaposed against his square jaw, it was pretty da But then, what part of him wasn&039;t?

"So, thank you," she murmured

Well, you know you&039;re not exactly the kind of feet flowers for Sort of limits my options

Her smile faded "I couldn&039;t have done that without you You realize that You made it happen"

John shook his head The ht way, by the right person That&039;s all that counts

She thought back to hi the fucker to the pave the bastard on a silver plate and shoving an apple in his mouth, John couldn&039;t have served her captor up any better

He had presented her enemy to her He&039;d put her needs before his own

And as she thought about all their ups and downs, that was the one constant, wasn&039;t it He always put her first

Now Xhex was the one shaking her head "I think you&039;re wrong The "

John just shrugged again and glanced at the door he&039;d brought her in through Listen, do you want et Doc Jane or Ehlena? Do you need food? Help to the loo?

Annnnnnnnnnnnd there it was again

Xhex started laughing and once she lit off, she couldn&039;t seean to holler and red tears sprang to her eyes She knew John was looking down at her like she&039;d lost her h note of hysteria co thereafter, she wasn&039;t laughing; she eeping

Covering her face with her hands, she just sobbed until she couldn&039;t breathe, the e it up or trying to keep it in She just fell apart and for once didn&039;t fight the unraveling

When she finally eased into the station at Get-a-grip-ville, she was entirely unsurprised to find a box of Kleenex right in front of her courtesy of John&039;s hand

She snapped a tissue free And then promptly went back for seconds and thirds: After that show, cleanup was going to take a lot more than one

Hell, on that theory, maybe she should just use the sheets on the bed

"John" She sniffled as she mopped her eyes, and that, coupled with all the little hearts she earing, pretty much sealed the deal on her nancy status "I have to say so so long Too long"

He grew so still he didn&039;t even blink

"God, this is hard" More with the frickin&039; sniffles "You wouldn&039;t think three little words would be so hard to say"

John&039;s exhale was loud--like someone had punched him in the solar plexus Funny, she felt the same way But so sense of suffocation, you had to speak as in your heart

"John" She cleared her throat "I"

What, he mouthed Just tell htened her shoulders "John Matthew I&039;m such an ass- hat"

As he blinked and looked like his hed "Guess that&039;s four words, huh"

Well, yes that was four words

God, for a second there John forced his head to get back to reality--because only in a fantasy would she ever I-love-you hined Hat, I mean