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As Xhex waited outside of the weight rooarded her emotions with dispassionate interest It was, she supposed, like staring at a stranger&039;s face and taking note of the i and the features for no other reason than that they had presented thee had been eclipsed by an honest concern for John

Surprise, surprise

Then again, she&039;d never i that kind of fury up close and personal, especially from the likes of him It was as if he had an inner beast that had roared free froe

Man, the bondedyou fucked around with

And she wasn&039;t kidding herself That was the reason he&039;d reacted the way he had--and was also the cause of those dark spices she&039;d scented around hiotten out of Lash&039;s prison: So the weeks of her brutal holiday, John&039;s attraction and respect for her had jelled into the irrevocable

Shit What a ot cut off abruptly, she illing to bet Blaylock had pulled the cord out of the wall, and good for hi a death-by-Nike, but when reasoning with hiotten her absolutely nowhere, she&039;d taken up sentry duty out here

No way she could watch hi to the punishlass door to the office swung open and the Brother Tohrlow that e center as well, but the fallen angel hung back

"How is John?" As the Brother he walked over, his concern was in his hard face and his tired eyes, and also in his grid, which was lit up in the regret sectors

Made sense on a lot of levels

Xhex glanced at the weight rooe to marathoner Either that or he just killed another treadht forced her to tilt her head up, and it was a surprise to see as behind his blue eyes: There was knowledge in his stare, deep knowledge that made her own emotional circuits fire with suspicion In her experience, strangers who looked at you like that were dangerous

"How are you?" he asked softly

It was strange; she hadn&039;t had a lot of contact with the Brother, but whenever their paths had crossed, he&039;d always been particularly well, kind Which hy she always avoided hihness than she did with anything tender

Frankly he htened as if she&039;d disappointed him but he didn&039;t blame her for the shortfall "Okay," he said "I won&039;t pry"

Jesus, she was a bitch "No, it&039;s all right You just really don&039;t want h" His eyes narrowed on the weight rooot the distinct impression he was trapped outside of it ason the other side "So you called up to the kitchen to get me?"

She took out the key John had used to let theive this back to you and tell you there was a problerid went black and vacant, everything lights-out "What kind of problelass doors is broken It&039;s going to need a couple of sheets of plywood to cover it up We were able to reengage the security alarot a hell of a draft I&039;ll be happy to fix it today"

Assu John either finished off the rest of the exerciseshoes, or fell over in a dead heap

"Which" Tohr cleared his throat "Which door?"

"The one in John Matthew&039;s room"

The Brother frowned "Was it broken when you got there?"

"No it just spontaneously busted"

"Glass doesn&039;t do that without a good reason"

And hadn&039;t she given John Matthew one "True enough"

Tohr stared at her and she looked right back at hih, as nice a guy and as good a soldier as the Brother was, she had nothing to share with hi some plywood," she prompted

"Don&039;t worry about it And thanks for letting me know"

As the Brother turned and walked back into the office, she felt like hell--which she supposed was yet another connection she had with John Matthew Except instead of setting a land/speed record, she just wanted to take a knife and cut her inner forearms to release the pressure

God, she was such a crybaby emo sometimes, she truly was But those cilices of hers not only kept her sys she didn&039;t want to feel

Which was abooooooout ninety-nine percent of emotion, thank you very much

Ten minutes later, Blaylock ducked his head out of the door His eyes were locked on the floor and his emotions were in an upheaval, which made sense No one liked to see a buddy self-destruct, and having to conversate with the person who&039;d sent the poor bastard into a free fall wasn&039;t exactly a happy-happy

"Listen, John&039;s gone into the locker roo Man impression, but he&039;s He needs a little more ti for him here in the hall"

Blaylock nodded and then there was this aard pause "I&039;o work out now"

After the door eased shut, she picked her jacket and her weapons up and wandered doard the locker roo his merry way, no doubt to set up soen

And the resonant quiet told her there was no one in any of the classroo down the wall, she let her ass botto her head fall back, she closed her eyes

God, she was exhausted

"John&039;s still in there?"

Xhex snapped awake, her gun pointed right up at Blaylock&039;s chest As the guy leaped back, she immediately flipped on the safety and lowered the muzzle

"Sorry, old habits die hard"

"Ah, yeah" The guy motioned his white towel toward the locker room "Is John still in there? It&039;s been over an hour"

She flipped her wrist up and looked at the watch she&039;d snagged

"Christ"

Xhex got to her feet and cracked the door The sound of the shower running wasn&039;t much of a relief "Is there any other way out?"

"Just through the weight room--which opens only into this hall"

"Okay, I&039;ht thing to do

"Good I&039;ll finish my workout Call h the door, and inside, the place was standard-issue, all banks of beigethe sound of falling water to the right, she passed by a bay of urinals, stalls, and sinks that seethem to use

She found John in an open area with dozens of showerheads and tile on every square inch of the floors, walls, and ceiling He was in his T-shirt and running shorts and was sitting against the wall, his ar over his huge shoulders and torso

Her first thought was that she had been outside in exactly the same position

Her second was that she was surprised he could stand being so still His e lit up; that shadow behind it was likewise afire with anguish It was as if the two parts of hi no doubt because he&039;d suffered or been witness to too many cruel losses in this life and perhaps another And where all that put him emotionally terrified her The dense black void created in him was so powerful, it warped the superstructure of his psyche taking hi hi over the tiled lip in the floor, her skin goose bus and the reality that she&039;d done it again This was Murhder, only worse

Jesus Christ, she was a fucking black hen it came to males of worth

"John?"

He didn&039;t look up, although she wasn&039;t sure whether he was even aware she was in front of him He was back in the past, sucked in and held in the vise ofthe path of the water that rivered its way out from under him and traveled across the tilted tile plane to the drain

The drain

So to do with Lash?

Within the eainst the backdrop of the quiet sound of the water&039;s spray, she unleashed her bad side for a good purpose: In a great rush, her syh his physical territory and going deep into his mind and his recollections

As he lifted his head and looked up at her in shock, everything went red and two-di a blush pink, John&039;s dark, da like rose chaot were draith a quill of terror and sha not unlike the one he&039;d taken her to; hi forced by a fetid human male

Oh God

No

Xhex&039;s knees gave out and she wobbled--then just let herself go to the ground, landing on the slick tile so hard her bones rattled and her teeth clapped together

No not John, she thought Not when he was defenseless and innocent and so very alone Not when he was lost in the hu to survive

Not him Not like that

With her sy red, they sat there staring at each other He knew she&039;d read hie with such a fury she wisely kept any sorrow or commiseration to herself He didn&039;t appear to resent that she&039;d invaded hih It was more like he wished like fuck he didn&039;t have that to share with anybody

"What does Lash have to do with it," she said roughly "Because he&039;s all over your mind"

John&039;s eyes shifted to the drain in the center and she got the i around the stainless-steel cap Lash&039;s

Xhex narrowed her eyes, the backstory becouess-able: Lash had found out about John&039;s secret Somehow And she didn&039;t need her symphath side to tell her what the fucker would have done with information like that

A baseball announcer would seek less of an audience

As John&039;s stare ca co vulnerable Even though they were both fully clothed, each was naked before the other

She knew da to find this with any other male Or any other person He kneithout words all she had been through and everything that those kind of experiences spahen they were triggered And she knew the same for hirid was a kind of bifurcation of his psyche caused by the trauotten together and agreed to cut the past out and put it toward the back of his mental and emotional attic Maybe that hy these two parts of him were so vividly anieance he was feeling After all, Lash had been intis, his and hers

Infor hands? Almost as bad as the horror that had actually happened because you relived that shit every time someone else learned of the story Which hy she never talked about her time up in the colony with her father, or that shit in the human medical clinic or yeah

John raised his forefinger and tapped beside his eye

"Mine are red?" she murmured When he nodded, she rubbed her face "Sorry I&039;et another pair of cilices"

As he shut the water off, she dropped her hands "Who else knows About you"