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It happens all the ti deal

Brush it off, move on, next project

Except Dave hadn’t even listened – that was clear Matt surprised her, turning into quite an ally A healthy dose of poorher, the sob building in her chest, behind her very professional white shirt under her very professional Jones New York navy blue suit jacket and it rose up past her throat, past the pearls that Sandy had given her when she graduated high school, past the flush rising up her neck behind her ears,tears out of a choked eyelid If she didn’t find sooing to be bad

Setting her paperwork down at her desk, she looked around One of the big disadvantages of working in a cubicle far to break down you needed to find a bathroom stall or a supply closet or borrow soh, that there was no time And then, she noticed the note, a post-it, Dave’s horrible scrawl:

I need ements printed on blue copy paper, not white, so that I can color code everything for ed fro ht This was hoas He would e the color schematics on a PowerPoint presentation Dave had asked her, once, to fetch her coffee and she had shot hiender dynamics and the fact that it wasn’t in her job description At the tiing the colors for his deck of slides Wasting two hours of coenta and fuschia was an absolutely critical aspect in raising the quality of his presentations

And she had seen his presentations – he was right They were so bad that the color sche that was rehtful This kind of treat and it turned her into a petulant, territorial office worker, the kind of wo up the ranks – well, that’s what this presentation had been about and he didn’t even give her a chance, dis it out of hand

He'd won on the da that double soy latte e, taking a half hour or et away froot what he wanted He didn't notice her prolonged absence She was just a tool

Matt had taken the flash drive, but for what reason? Probably to steal her idea, right? No No Herthat she was about to cry No, because the presentation wasn’t even good enough for Dave to let her finish So how could Matt use that against her? Why did he ask for the thumb drive?

Could it be that he actually cared? That he really thought there was merit to what she had poured herself into?

Damn it! If they had just listened she could have told theers and independent bookstores and how she was close to getting a chance with the big booksellers online Of ss, of writer co-ops and online foruether and worked to help each other Of grabbing ad buys on those sites Of planning Google words cans

Of all of the different ways that Bournharab part of the sales that these women – that these voracious readers – produced

But no She had been given a pat on the head and a "that’s nice" and had been dismissed back to the kid’s table The reality of that started to sink in and she could feel her ribcage shake, the hollowed out, gnawing pain in her gut, her hipbones pressing against the tightness of her tailored skirt, the despair seeping out – and could hear Sandy’s voice saying, "Oh, honey, just coood, co"

That thought tipped her over

Sprinting wasn’t an option in high heels and it wouldhad, in fact, rade Lydia chlah Joey Stillman had no idea what chlaht it just meant that she was fat

"Fat?" she threw back at Joey their senior year in high school when they were all drinking out in his dad’s field and she had let the resent out in the sa a clique of her own in high school that she couldn’t get kicked out of

"Well, yeah you know, dude, I was thirteen Don’t over analyze this Lyd"

Walking on unsteady feet to get the damn blue copier paper to put in her printer to reproduce work that she had already done successfully for Dave, to , petty, delicate standards, she was never so grateful for the click of a door closing and for the deathly darkness of the supply closet

The tears came fast, furious, and she pulled out a tissue that she had had stuffed in a breast pocket just in case Lydia would leave here with red eyes and puffy circles above her cheekbones but she didn’t care, because right now she needed to get out months and months of hope Exorcise it from her system Kill it, burn it, destroy it, drive it out – because it was her biggest eneht now

Not Matt Not Dave Not her mother Not Joey Stillman

Hope

If he hadn’t seen her make a break for the supply room, he would have left it alone If he hadn’t heard the tiniest of hitches in her breath as that door closed, he would have left it alone If he hadn’t seen how her shoulders were sluht of the burden of her own expectations – a weight he understood all too well and that had grooved itself deep into his own shoulders and neck – he would have left it alone

But he had seen all that, and so he couldn’t leave her alone