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Ry an I folded the paper back to its original shape

"Do I have to remind you that this isn’t your fault?" Jared asked

Ryan’s sudden departure was too much of a coincidence to believe that it wasn’t ularly that his reasons were purely financial

He didn’t write again after that, and I relied on Jared’s intermittent phone call s from Claire to hear of his whereabouts, and that he was okay

Claire stil had to pul a s to keep a close eye on Ryan She call ed home frequently to coet him accepted so quickly into the Special Forces in the first place Claire’s phone call s were reason to fear; for Ryan and for her I chewedfor hiotten hiroup of friends waved goodbye on the last day of our sophomore year at Brown, Ryan came to the forefront of my mind

"He should be here," I said to Beth

She heldlot "I know"

"No, he’s in the et shot so he didn’t have to watch me be with Jared It’s not fair He should be here with us"

Josh and Tucker were heading to their dor Josh in the ar of Summer Break was bittersweet, and we al knehy

Beth walked me to the Escalade, and after a warm embrace, left ht to celebrate, and I would stay at ho for his life

Jared was unhappy with my mood He didn’t ask what it was, but I assu to him about Ryan It was unfair to him, and didn’t make me feel any better, so I didn’t see a point

The loft was i every corner of the roolow It had been nearly a year since Shax had been in our living room, since Jared threw the book at him that Gabe so desperately wanted us to have It had been alh where the scar stil reh the mail at the kitchen table "What do you want for dinner, Sweetheart?"

"It just doesn’t see my head "We can redecorate, and fil the bul et holes in the wal s, and pretend life is norht, and we aren’t any closer to getting the book, and Ryan is gone It’s been a year and it doesn’t feel like it’s gotten better

We’re stuck"

Jared raised an eyebrow "Bad day?"

I sat on the aret kil ed Every day that he’s out there, Claire is in danger We should bring hio to the Middle East and abscond with a member of the Special Forces?"

I puffed "It’s not right that he’s not here"

"You’re just letting the guilt eat you alive You have to let it go, Nina You have to let hi," I said "This isn’t about uilt, but I can’t stand it anymore…how Josh and Tucker and everyone else look atout with theroup I have been sleeping through the night for o back The looks on their faces--they blame me"

"You bla his cel phone from his pocket He dialed numbers, and then held the receiver to his ear

After several ? I see I have soot a minute?"

Jared handed me the phone "Hel o?" I said, unsure of her reaction

"It is hot as hel here," Claire snapped "I have sand in places no woman should experience It’s inrid of it, even when I get the occasional shower And s?"

I h "I hed "Don’t worry, Nina I’ care of him He’s a cowboy, and likes to pretend he’s invincible, but despite his best efforts, I’ him alive"

"Thank you"

I could hear the hipping against the phone, and she spoke loudly to co sunglasses, and light ca in with her platinuuilty He wants you to be happy He’s just trying to get on with his life He’s happy with his choice Be happy with yours"

"Of course I a here I feel lost"

Claire laughed "Try driving around with identical sand dunes as your guide…then you can talk toI’m fluent in Farsi, or I wouldn’t be able to keep up with hirey eyes coood"

"I need you to take care of hi ass over here, so you can rest easy Just concentrate on school, and work, and being happy, and I’ll get the cowboy home safe Deal?"

Relief washed over me "Deal See you soon?"

"As soon as I can Gotta go, they’re ," she said The phone silenced, and I handed it to Jared

"He’s okay," I said

Jared nodded "Feel better?"

"A little Thank you"

Jared took a step towardhis forehead toto ht? That’s al I want"

I lifted my chin to kiss his lips "I’ withto run you a bath, and you can soak until your hands get al pruny, and I’ll have dinner waiting for you when you get out Then we can turn in early"