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Chapter Four

I stood by his side

Opposite his bed, rain began pattering against the hospital , lightly at first and then stronger

Sonored the rain, even as a strong gust of wind now shook the hich was hidden behind the closed blinds I ignored the rain and the wind and reached down and stroked h his hot tangled locks He was too hot He was too sick He wasn&039;t going toHis vitals hadn&039;t registered anything yet, but they would

Soon

I continued stroking his hair He see hotter by the second He also shifted towarda s now on the

My heart was racing, and forby his side, knowing that this wasI had been advised that he had fulfilled his life&039;s mission, and that it was time for him to move on I had been advised by a very powerful entity that my son was meant to die That it had been ordained so, or some such bullshit

Well, fuck that

I was his mother I carried hihts, bathed him, fed him and worried about him daily I loved him so much that it hurt I loved him so much that I would kill for hiive my life, my soul, my eternity for hi - declaring, dammit - that he would live And lord help anyone who tried to stophim forever I knew this, understood this, but I also knew there was a glimmer of hope The ured I would seek its answers for myself

But not anymore

Noould seek its answers for hi a way to turn hiive him back his normal life

And in the meantime, hoould I explain to him what I had done to hi

Later

For now, though, tierously hot I reached down and touched his narrow shoulder

"Anthony," I whispered, leaning down, speaking directly into his ear "Wake up, baby Mo to be okay"

Chapter Five

It took a few more tries to awaken hied slowly from wherever he&039;d been I suspected that place was the blackest of depths Then again, perhaps not Perhaps he&039;d been in heaven Perhaps he&039;d been playing on streets paved with gold Or,Xbox with Jesus

Only to return here, with me, sick as hell in a hospital and ready to die Perhaps had I let him be, he wouldn&039;t have suffered Perhaps he would have slipped out of this world and into the next with ease and little pain

Perhaps

He awakened slowly As he did, a part of me screamed to let him sleep If a nurse came in now, she would have been ?

"Mommy?" He squirmed under my arm

"Hi, baby"

"What&039;s happening, Moht I&039; it the only way I kno

"Hoould you like to feel a little better, baby?" I whispered, and it was all I could do to keepwith fear and uncertainty

Anthony turned his sweating face toward me; his eyes focused on me for the first tith and ferocity Despite the darkness, he seeine that this strong-looking boy was dying, but the black halo hadn&039;t retreated; indeed, it was thicker than ever, and I saw his i hi formy head "No, don&039;t say that"

"It&039;s okay, Mommy I&039;ll always be with you Forever and ever"

"No, baby, please don&039;t say that"

"I&039; for , whihtly "Stop talking like that, baby We&039;re going to get you better I have so me in the darkness He then turned his head and looked to the right I looked, too, and saw soy near thesee was there, so had materialized, but I couldn&039;t see what At least, not clearly Whatever it was, it wasn&039;t a huhter and it radiated a warmth that I could feel from across the roo, Mo now I couldn&039;t stopfor my son, but I couldn&039;t I just couldn&039;t This was too much for me

"Who, honey?"

"The ht"

I tried to speak but I couldn&039;t Sobs burst from my throat Finally, I said, "Whatwhat does he want to say?"

But I knehat he was going to say, didn&039;t I? That my son was only here on earth for a brief tie, a death that was row That he was here to fulfill some cosmic karma bullshit I didn&039;t want to hear it What mother wanted to hear that?

My son was quiet for aThen he smiled broadly "He says that he loves you, Mo of time, and will always love you Forever and ever" He paused, sht around his face The light shone through even the blanketing darkness My son looked beautiful, angelic He cocked his head again, and listened so for you" My son&039;s face turned soa very sad and sole the best choice you can He wants you not to be so hard on yourself"

"I don&039;t," I gasped, led, "I don&039;t understand what&039;s happening"

My son reached out, took h the blur of tears He said, "Mommy, sometimes it&039;s okay not to understand"