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I didn&039;t re the roo in front of him His eyes ide, so wide, his lips half-parted I was close enough to see the pulse in his throat beating against the skin of his neck like a trapped thing I leaned in toward him, leaned just my face until I could sh to taste his pulse on ue like candy And I knew this candy would be red and soft and hot I had to close my eyes so that I didn&039;t lean my mouth down to that point, didn&039;t lick over his skin, didn&039;t bite down and free that quivering piece of hi at that pulsing, ju My own pulse was too fast, as if I would choke on it I&039;d thought that feeding the ardeur on Nathaniel was the worst I could do, but the thoughts in my head weren&039;t about sex They were about food Thanks to s inside s

I stayed perfectly still, trying to master my own pulse, my own heartbeat But even with my eyes closed, I could still smell Nathaniel&039;s skin Sweet and warm and close

I felt his breath on my face, before I opened my eyes

He had moved in so close that his face filled led with the needs I was fighting "Nathaniel"

"Please" He whispered it as he leaned in, whispered it again as his ainst ainst my mouth, as if it would burn e kissed

His lips this close tohis throat out anymore I understood then that we could feed on sex, or we could feed on er could be turned into another, but until that moment, where I could almost taste his lips on mine, I hadn&039;t realized that there would co must be fed I did not feed Jean-Claude&039;s blood lust, though there was a shadow of it in er for ers in me, and fed none of them, except the ardeur That I could feed That I did feed But it was in that heartbeat, as Nathaniel kissed me, that I understood why I hadn&039;t been able to control the ardeur better All the hungers channeled into that one hunger Jean-Claude&039;s fascination with the blood that ran just under the skin Richard&039;s desire for fresh, bloody ers inside ive me a way to feed, a way that didn&039;t tear people&039;s throats out, a way that didn&039;t fill my mouth with fresh blood

Nathaniel kissed me He kissed ht it, there were other ways to feed, other ways that would leave hiainsthotter Part ofwave inthat it made me stumble back from him Made me push away fro into flesh, through hair that was rough and choking on ue But I could feel the pulse underneath that skin, feel it like a frantic thing, the pulse running froh the forest The deer was caught, but that sweet, beating thing lay just out of reach I bit harder, shearing through the skin with teeth that were , because the deer&039;s blood ran hotter than mine Their warmth helped lead me to them Helped me hunt them The heat of their blood called me to them, made their scent run rich on every leaf they passed, every blade of grass that brushed them, carried that warmth away, betrayed them to me My teeth closed around the throat, tore the front of it free Blood sprayed out, over me and the leaves, a sound like rain I sed the blood first, scalding from the chase, and then theof pulse, a last beat of life The ling, even now, to live

I ca

Nathaniel reached out toward me, and I slapped at his hands, because I didn&039;t trust myself to touch hi down Richard&039;s throat It wasn&039;t horror that made me slap at Nathaniel It was that I had liked it Gloried in the feel of blood raining down on les of the animal had excited me, made the kill all the sweeter Alhen I touched Richard, there had been hesitation, regret, revulsion about what he was, but there had been no hesitation in that shared vision He had been the wolf, and he had brought the deer down, taken its life, and there had been no regret His beast had fed, and for this one moment, the man in him had not cared

I shut down every shield I had between him and me, and it was only then that I felt him look up, felt him raise his bloodyhiht I had froood, and there was more, and he would feed

I couldn&039;t seem to cut myself off from him Couldn&039;t shut it down I did not want to feel hiain I did not want to be in his head for the next bite I reached out to Jean-Claude Reached out for help, and found blood

His s buried into that flesh I smelled that flesh, knew that scent, kneas Jason, his pohter than you hold a lover, because a lover does not struggle, a lover does not feel their death in your kiss

The blood was so sweet, sweeter than the deer&039;s had been Sweeter, cleaner, better And part of that better was the feel of his arht as we held him Part of what made thisinside his chest, beating against the front of our bodies, so that we could feel the franticness of it, as the heart began to realize soot, the more blood it pumped, the more of that sarmth poured down our throats

All I could taste was blood All I could smell was blood It spilled downDrowning in Jason&039;s blood The world had run red, and I was lost A pulse, a pulse in that red darkness A pulse, a heartbeat, that found s ca on cool tile, and that someone had me by the wrist Their hand onbeside me His hand on ainst the pulse inup his arm, smell it, almost taste it

I rolled closer to hih He sh, and he opened his legs for me, let ainst the s that warainst ainst the pulse in my wrist, as if his heartbeat wanted inside me But it wasn&039;t his heartbeat that he wanted inside me

A roll of ainst the front of his shorts I licked up the line of his thigh, licked closer and closer to that thin line of satin that stretched over the front of his body

I tasted his pulse against my lips, but it wasn&039;t an echo froh He let go of my wrist, as if noe didn&039;t need it, we had another pulse, another, sweeter place to explore I could smell the blood just under his skin, like so heat, kissed the blood just under his skin Licked the juue It tasted like his skin, sweet and clean, but it also tasted of blood, sweet copper pennies on htly, and he cried out above ht, so that the next bite was harder, deeper His meat filled my mouth for a second, and I could taste the pulse under his skin Knew that if I bit down, that blood would pour into my mouth, that his heart would spill itself down my throat as if it wanted to die

I stayed with ht withthat hot, red, rush I could not let go, and it was taking everything I had not to finish it I reached down those metaphysical cords that bound e ofclose The pack was feeding I shoved that ie away, because it wanted me to bite down Richard&039;s muzzle was buried deep into the wars inside I had to run fros, before I fed on Nathaniel the way they were feeding on the deer

I found Jason lying pale on Jean-Claude&039;s bed, bleeding on the sheets Jean-Claude&039;s blood thirst was quenched but there were other hungers He looked up atblue, and I felt it, the ardeur had risen in hi down at Jason&039;s still for to do with blood

He spoke, his voice echoing through ht You will force s I do not wish to do Feed the ardeur, er coone Gone as if a door had slammed shut between us I had a moment to realize that he&039;d slammed a door between not just himself and me, but between Richard and me, as well So that I was suddenly cut adrift

I was alone with the feel of Nathaniel&039;s pulse in my mouth His flesh was so war alive inside his skin I wanted to free that struggling, quivering thing I wanted to break it free of its cage To free Nathaniel of this cage of flesh To set hiht not to bite down, because some part of me knew that if I once tasted blood that I would feed I would feed, and Nathaniel rabbed mine and held on I kneho it was before I raised h Daet to my knees, helped o away It pulled back like the ocean drawing back from the shore, but it didn&039;t leave, and I kneould co, and when it crashed over us, we needed a plan

"So," I said, and my voice shook I held on to Da in the world

"I felt the ardeur rise, and I thought, great, just great, left out again Then it changed"

"It felt wonderful," Nathaniel&039;s voice caood foreplay

"Didn&039;t you feel it change?" I asked

"Yes," he said

"Weren&039;t you afraid?"

"No," he said, "I knew you wouldn&039;t hurt lad one of us was so sure"

He raised up onto his knees, from where he&039;d half swooned "Trust yourself Trust what you feel It changed when you tried to fight it Stop fighting it" He leaned in toward me "Letto Damian&039;s hand, but it was as if I could feel the tide rushing back toward the shore Feel the wave building, building, and when it came, it would sweep us away I didn&039;t want to be swept away

"If Jean-Claude told you to feed the ardeur, then feed it," Damian said "What I felt from you just noas closer to blood lust" His face was very serious, sorrowful even "You don&039;t want to knohat blood lust can make you do, Anita You don&039;t want that"

"Why is it different tonight?" It was a child asking sorown a new and scarier head

"I don&039;t know, but I do know that for the first time when you touch me, I feel it A dim echo, but I feel it Always before, Anita, when you touched ers like putting out a candle, "snuffed out Tonight" He leaned overto lay his lips across ifts of the ardeur is that it lets you look inside someone&039;s heart It lets you see what they truly feel When his lips touched erness Worry, but that was fast fading under the feel of his lips on er of his skin The hunger of his body not so ht, that need we all have to press our nakedness against someone else&039;s I felt his loneliness, and his need, even if it was only for one night, not to be lonely, not to be exiled down in the dark, alone I sa he felt about his coffin down in the basement It was not his room It was not his in any way It was just the place he went to die every dawn The place where he went to die, alone, knowing that he would rise as he had died, alone I saw the endless streaes in a book, a blonde, a brunette, the one with a tattoo on her neck, dark skin, pale skin, the one with blue hair, an endless strea hands, and nearly every night, it was in public view, as part of the floor show at Danse Macabre So that even his feedings were not private Even that was not special It was eating so you wouldn&039;t die, with no reat emptiness

I was supposed to be his master I was supposed to take care of him, and I hadn&039;t known I hadn&039;t asked, and I&039;d been so busy trying not to be tied to another h some weird metaphysical shit, that I hadn&039;t noticed that Damian&039;s life sucked

"I&039;m sorry, Damian, I" I don&039;t knohat I would have said, because his fingers touched ers held heat and weight that they&039;d never had before

His eyes widened, surprised, I think, as surprised as I was at the sensation Or did ive heat to his skin, too? Did ertips did to ers were suddenly ainst his touch, barely a ainst the ripeness of his fingers; barely enough to call it a kiss, but it wasn&039;t his skin I tasted, or not the skin I was touching It was as if I laid ainst the most intiers, but the taste, the ss, as if I were a dog on the scent of where I wanted to be

He drew his breath in with a shaking gasp, and when I rolled my eyes up to see his face, the look in his eyes was one of drowning, as if I already touched what I could taste His eyes filled with emerald fire, and just like that there was a line of desire carved froers, his hand, his arm, his chest, his hips, to the center of his body I could feel him thick and rich and full of blood Could taste the warroin I could taste him, feel hiers, slid soreen eyes rolled back into his head, ginger lashes fluttering doard His breath sighed out in one word, "Master"

I kneas right, in that oneon the other side of such a kiss Jean-Claude could push desire through er drawn across s that no hand or finger could ever caress For the first time I felt the other side of such a touch; felt what Jean-Claude had felt for years He&039;d tastedbefore he&039;d ever been allowed to touch them, or even see them I felt what he&039;d felt, and it ondrous

Nathaniel touched otten about anything but the sensation of Daainst mine Then Nathaniel touched h the palm of my hand as if a line ran fro line of heat and desire and power

I felt that power flare outward from my mouth and hand to their bodies It was my power, the power Jean-Claude had woken in me by his marks, but it was also h Damian&039;s body, but when it hit Nathaniel&039;s body, the power changed, shifted, beca warh h all of us, but it wasn&039;t sex that I felt anymore, it was pain I was trapped between ice and fire; a cold so intense that it burned, and the fire burned because that hat it was It was as if half the blood inflowed, and I was dying; and the other half of old, andI screamed, and the men screamed with me It was the sound of Nathaniel and Daed some part ofpart knew that if I let this consume me, ould all die, and that was not acceptable I had to find a way to ride this, to control this, or ould be destroyed But how do you control so that you don&039;t understand? How do you ride so you can&039;t see, or even touch? I realized in thatThat soo of both of them My skin was empty of their touch, but the link between us was still there One of us, or all of us, had tried to save ourselves by letting go, but this was not ano one and nothing, but I could feel them Feel their hearts in their chests as if I could have reached out ans froe was so strong, so real, that it made me open my eyes, helped me ride down the pain

Nathaniel was half crouched, his hand reaching out to me, as if I&039;d been the one who pulled away His eyes were closed, his face screwed tight with pain Damian knelt, pale face empty; if I hadn&039;t been able to feel his pain, I wouldn&039;t have known that his blood was turning to ice

Nathaniel&039;s hand touchedin the dark, but the ripped his hand, and it didn&039;t hurt any pulse of life, as if the heat of a summer&039;s day filled us

The other half of my body was still so cold it burned I took Damian&039;s hand, and the ic, for lack of a better terrave and the heat of the living, and I knelt in the ht between life and death I was a necroht between life and death, always

I remembered death The smell of my mother&039;s perfuood-bye, the sweet powdery scent of her skin I remembered the feel of smooth wood under small hands, my rave blanket There was a bloodstain on the car seat and an oval of cracks in the windshield I laid a tiny hand on that dried blood and rehtmares afterward, where the blood was alet, and the car was dark, and I could hearThe blood had been dry by the tiood-bye, and I had not heard her screams She&039;d died almost instantly, and probably hadn&039;t screamed at all

I reh and knobbly, and it sot cleaned In that moment I kneasn&039;t my memory My father&039;s Ger spotless But I was still s the side of that musty couch, in a rooht was the flickering of the television screen There was aa boy, beating hi, "Scream for me, you little bastard Scream for me"

Blood spurted from the boy&039;s back, and I screamed I screamed for him, because Nicholas would never screa stopped

I re the back ofhappens to me Promise me, you&039;ll run away"

"Nicholas"

"Promise me, Nathaniel, promise me"

"I promise, Nicky"

Sleep, and the only safety I ever knew, because if Nicholas watched over me, the man couldn&039;t hurt es broke then, shattering like aup and up; the first blow, falling to the carpet, blood on the carpet, my blood Nicholas in the doorith a baseball bat The bat hitting the ht fro the screen Nicholas screah the yards A dog on a chain, barking, snarling Running Running Falling down beside a strea blood Darkness

I remeht, chaos was all I could see A ush of blood; the feel ofso deep that it nu into so forced back down narrow stone steps; and over all that was a fierce joy, an utter content else was just biding tireen, blond and red-haired, all likewhite with the wind A dark castle on a lonely shore There had been fighting there, I knew that, but that was not the ot What I saas a narrow stone stairway, that wound up and up into a dark tower Torchlight flickered on those stairs, and there was a shadow We ran froate crashed down, trapped against it, we turned andfear, until you could not breathe Many dropped their weapons and simply went mad, at the touch of it

The shadow stepped out into the starlight, and it was a woman A woman with skin white as bone, lips red as blood, and hair like golden spiderwebs Terrible she was, and beautiful, though it was a beauty that would make men weep, rather than smile

But she slimpse of teeth that no mortal mouth would hold Confusion, then the feel of small white hands like white steel, and her eyes, her eyes like gray flaes ju in a bed, with that terrible beauty riding hi up, about to spill over and into her; riding the edge of pleasure, when she changed it, with a flex of her will, as a flex of her thighs could give pleasure; a thought and he was drowning in fear A fear so great and so awful that it shriveled him, tore him back from pleasure, threw him close toaway froain Over and over, over and over; pleasure, terror, pleasure and terror, until he begged her to kill hied she would let him finish, let hied

A voice broke through the memories, shattered it "Anita, Anita!"

I blinked, and I was still kneeling between Nathaniel and Damian It was Damian that had calledand shaking his head "Please, Anita, nome for the tour down bad memory lane?"

"Because you&039;re the master," Damian said

"So it&039;sthe worst events of our lives?" I searched his face, while I kept a tight grip on his hand It wasn&039;t erotic anymore, it was more like their hands were safety lines

"You are the master," Damian repeated

"Maybe it&039;s over, whatever it was, ave me a look that was so like one of Jean-Claude&039;s that it was unnerving "What&039;s with the look?" I asked

"I can still feel it," Nathaniel said, and his voice was hushed, thick with fear

"If you would stop arguing and start paying attention to what&039;s happening, you&039;d feel it, too," Da to Nathaniel

I shut , but even silence was enough Into that brief silence I felt power like soainst a door in

"How did you break us free of it this much?"

"I&039;m not a master, but I am over a thousand years old I&039;ve learned some skills over the years, just to stay sane"

"Alright, Mr S to us?"

He squeezedin his eyes said plainly that he didn&039;t want to say it out loud I realized that I couldn&039;t feel his e us all, aren&039;t you?"

He nodded "But it won&039;t hold"