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5

I didn&039;t want to go back to the reception First, I wasn&039;t in the mood to be merry Second, I still didn&039;t kno to answer Arnet&039;s questions Third, Micah had made me promise I&039;d dance with hiood at it In the privacy of our home, Micah, and Nathaniel, and hell, Jason, had toldThat I actually danced very well I did not believe theh school dance experience Of course, it was junior high, is there any experience except horrible for those few years? In Hell, if you&039;re really bad, you must be fourteen forever, and be trapped in school, and never get to go ho I could say I was tired, and we could leave, but I knew better Micah had dragged a prootten me to promise a dance for Nathaniel, as well Das often, because once I do, I keep my word Double damn it

The crowd had thinned out a lot Murder scenes take so ht But I knew that the boys would be there, because I had the car Nathaniel was at the table where I&039;d left them, but it was Jason with hiether that their heads nearly touched Jason&039;s short blond hair seeainst Nathaniel&039;s dark auburn Jason wore a blue dress shirt that I kneas only a shade or two bluer than his eyes His suit was black, and I kneithout seeing hi that it was tailored to his body, and probably Italian in cut Jean-Claude had paid for the suit, and he was fond of Italian-cut designer suits for his e theh-class porno , the suit worked Jason also worked at Guilty Pleasures as a stripper, and Jean-Claude did own the club, but it wasn&039;t that type of ener clothes tailored to his body Jason was Jean-Claude&039;s po Jean-Claude did not think I treated Nathaniel with enough respect for his position aswith Jason for dress clothes, and I footed the bill for eous, but I couldn&039;t let Jean-Claude be nicer to his kept man than I was to mine Could I?

Technically, Micah wasn&039;t a kept man, but the salary he drew fro Between Lycanthrope and Huh ner suits, so I did

I had ti so close together, like conspirators Then I felt, roup of hed, and started across the rooet much chance to see Micah from a distance We were always so close to one another, physically Noas able to watch hi to his body, how it flattered the broad shoulders, the slender waist, the tightness of his hips, the swell of his thighs The suit fit hi him move toward me, I realized the suit was suddenly worth every penny

TheI didn&039;t recognize I had a moment of hope that we could just sit down and find out what the other twoBut it was a vain hope, because another song ca I still didn&039;t want to dance, but as Micah got close enough to touch, I had to ad

He slasses in place, I knehat his eyes would look like with that shed, and held outto be"

"Let&039;s shed the leather jacket first"

I unzipped it, but said, "Let&039;s keep it, I&039;m a little cold"

His hands slid aroundcolder outside?"

I shook my head "Not that kind of cold"

"Oh," he said, and he pulled back his hands, which had been sliding up my back underneath the leather jacket He went back to my waist and slid his hands underneath the tux jacket, so that only the thin cloth of the dress shirt separated my skin from his

I shuddered under that touch

He leaned his , slow slide of his hands that would have pressed our bodies together "I&039;ll warm you up" His arms pressed ht as to lued together But even this close, I could feel the swell of him under the cloth of his pants The barest brush of touch, which let me know that there was ht as he could He was being polite I wasn&039;t a hundred percent sure whether this politeness was really Micah&039;s idea, or if he&039;d picked up my discomfort He was always very, very careful around me In fact, he mirrored back so exactly what I wanted, what I needed, that it made me wonder if I knew him at all, or if all I sahat he wanted , what&039;s wrong?" He was close enough that just turning his head in against my face allowed him to whisper

What was I supposed to say? That I suspected hi in particular, but about nearly everything He was too perfect Too perfectly what I needed hiht? Nobody was perfectly what you needed theht?

He whispered against ?"

I didn&039;t knohat to say Why was I left so often this night with a dozen things to say and nothing I wanted to share out loud? I decided for partial truth, better than a lie, I guess "I&039;"

He dreay enough to see my face clearly He let his puzzlement show "What have I done now?"

I shook my head "That&039;s the proble anyway"

I looked at him and wanted to see his eyes I finally reached up and limpse his chartreuse eyes But, of course, that was ainto those eyes, ain "Da?" he asked

"Nothing, and that&039;s what&039;s wrong" Even to me it made no sense, but it was still true Still how I felt

He gave me that smile that was part puzzle else Nothing about that smile was happy He&039;d come with that smile, and I still didn&039;t understand it, but I knew that he used it less and less, and usually only when I was being silly Even I kneas being silly, but I couldn&039;t seem to help it He was too perfect, so I had to poke at it Our relationship worked too well, so I had to see if I could break it Not really break it, but see how far it would bend I had to test it, because what good was so that couldn&039;t be tested? Oh, hell, that wasn&039;t it The truth was that if I let et on ainst his chest "I&039;rumpy"

He walked me a little to one side, off the dance floor, not that we&039;d been dancing "What is wrong?"

I tried to think rong I was taking so out on him, but what? Then, part of it hit me "It didn&039;t bother "

"You have to divorce yourself from your emotions, or you can&039;t do your job"

I nodded "Yeah, but once I had to work at it Now I don&039;t"

He frowned down at lasses "And that bothers you, why?"

"Only sociopaths and crazy people can look at the violently dead and feel absolutely nothing, Micah"

He hugged me to him, suddenly, fiercely, but was careful to keep part of his body away It was the kind of hug you&039;d give a friend in need Maybe a little tighter, a little more intimate, but not much He always seemed to know just what I needed, just when I needed it If eren&039;t in love, then how did he do that? Hell, I&039;d been in love with people that didn&039;t even co this many of my needs

"You are not a sociopath, Anita You have given up pieces of yourself so you can do your job You told me once, it&039;s the price you pay"

I wrapped ht, rested ainst the incredible s not to lose more pieces oftonight, except guilt that I felt nothing How crazy is that?"

He kept hugging me "It&039;s only crazy if you think it&039;s crazy, Anita"

That h to see his face "What&039;s that ently "It means that if your life works, and you work in it, then it&039;s okay, whatever is happening is okay"

I frowned, then laughed, then frowned again "I&039;ree with that"

"All I know is that since I met you, I&039;ve felt safer, happier, and better than I have in years"

"You said safer; funny, I&039;d think that would be how Nathaniel would order it, safer, then happy"

"I may be your Nimir-Raj and a dominant, but, Anita, I spent years at the mercy of Chimera He was crazy and a sociopath I&039;ve seen the real thing, Anita, and you are neither of those things" He save a little duck of his head, alrown It showed his profile for a mo I&039;d been debating on for weeks

I traced the bridge of his nose "When I first met you, your nose looked like it had been badly broken I assumed that etting straighter, isn&039;t it?"

"Yes," and his voice was soft when he said it There was no s one His face had closed down I&039;d begun to realize that this was how he looked when he was sad I&039;d met Chimera, hell, I&039;d killed his I&039;d ever ods and millenia-old master vampires, not to mention wereanimals that were both sexual sadists and sexual predators, in the truest sense of the word So, that I would put Chiuy list said just hoful he had been I could not ith of time I hadn&039;t enjoyed a few hours Micah and his pard had been with Chimera for years I&039;d avoided this topic, because it was so obviously painful for all of theht, for so many reasons, I needed to know I needed, ally, but true

Soive in to it And soht yourself anyht

6

We ended up standing at the far side of the parking lot, where trees grew in a tall, thin line Fast-growingin the October wind My hair was so tight in its French braid that the wind could do little with it, but Micah&039;s hair streamed around his face, like a thick, dark cloud He&039;d taken off his glasses, and the streetlights reen shirt on, as if they reflected the light differently than they should have, or would have, if they&039;d been human eyes

The as cool and held that crisp autumn scent What I wanted to do was take his hand and walk out into the night until we found so out into the darkness and let the wind take us where it wanted us to go My bad ht wind, or ht of him, his face nearly lost in a cloud of his own hair Whatever it was, I didn&039;t want to fight any" His voice held that hint of bitter laughter to it That tone thatsmile

I touched his arm "If this is hard, you don&039;t have to"

He shook his head and put a hand up at his hair, i in his face I thought he was probably angry at me, but I didn&039;t ask I didn&039;t really want to know if the ansas yes

"No, you asked, I&039;ll answer"

I took backthat I&039;d wanted opened, so badly, only o to wipe that look off his face

"Do you knohy ?"

It was such an odd question, that I answered it "No, I guess I thought you liked it that way"

He shook his head, one hand caught in the hair near his face, so he could keep the wind froroup of shapeshifters, he used torture, or the threat of torture, to control us If the head of the group could withstand the torture, then he&039;d torment weaker meroup"

He was quiet for so long that I had to say so "I knoas a sadistic bastard I remember what he did to Gina and Violet, to keep you and Merle under control"

"You only know part of it," he said, and his eyes had a distant look, so far away He was re, and it wasn&039;t pretty

I hadn&039;tthis on I hadn&039;t "Micah, I didn&039;t mean"

"No, you wanted to know You can know" He took in a breath so deep itrape Those of us ouldn&039;t participate, heSaid, if anted to act like woht about that for a second "You and Merle are the onlyhair"

He nodded "I think Caleb enjoyed it, and Noah, well," he shrugged "We all did things that we didn&039;t like, just to stay alive To stay whole"

I couldn&039;t think much less of Caleb, but it made me think less of Noah I didn&039;t knohat to say out loud But Micah didn&039;t need me to talk anymore The story was started, and he would tell it nohether I wanted to hear it or not It wasI could at this point--my attention Not horror, not pity, just my attention Horror was redundant, and pity--no one likes pity

"You talked to Chimera, to more than one of his faces You kno conflicted he was"

I nodded, then said, "Yes"

"Part of him was the ultiay, and the two parts hated each other"

Chiiven the idea of split personality a whole new , because each personality had had a different physical form Until I&039;d met him, seen it for myself, I&039;d have said it was impossible

"I remember that part of him wanted me to be his irls"

Micah nodded "Exactly"

I was al, but I&039;d started it If he could tell the story, I could hear it, all of it