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"That isn’t fiction," I interrupt "You are using human bodies"

He shakes his head "Not the way Sammy thinks we are"

"What does that mean? Either you are or you aren’t"

"Sammy thinks we look like some kind of infestation attached to human brains, but--"

"Funny, that’s exactly the way I picture you, Evan An infestation" I can’t help myself

His hand co into the woods, he sloraps his fingers around round beside hily cold What now?

"There was a boy, a real hu deeply into my eyes "Just like any kid, with a mom and a dad and brothers and sisters, completely human Before he was born, I was inserted into him while his mother slept While we both slept For thirteen years I slept inside Evan Walker, while he learned to sit up, to eat solid food, to walk and talk and run and ride a bike, I was there, waiting to wake up Like thousands of Others in thousands of other Evan Walkers around the world So up our lives to be where we needed to be when the ti? He came to a human body? What the hell does thatto be helpful "Silencers It’s a good na inside human lives We didn’t have to pretend to be you We were you Human and Other Evan didn’t die when I awakened He was…absorbed"

Ever the noticer, Evan notices I’m totally creeped out by this He reaches out to touch me and flinches when I pull away

"So what are you, Evan?" I whisper "Where are you? You said you hat did you say?" My azillion miles an hour "Inserted Inserted where?"

"Maybe inserted isn’t the best word I guess the concept that comes closest is downloaded I was downloaded into Evan when his brain was still developing"

I shakecenturiesa simple question

"But what are you? What do you look like?"

He frowns "You knohat I look like"

"No! Oh God, soo there Remember what matters "Before you became Evan, before you came here, when you were on your way to Earth from wherever it is you ca We haven’t had bodies in tens of thousands of years We had to give theain What, you look like a toad or a warthog or a slug or so"

"We are pure consciousness Pure being Abandoning our bodies and downloading our psyches into the mothership’s mainframe was the only e could ers into a fist "This is me," he says softly He coversit "This is Evan It’s not a perfect analogy, because there’s no place where I end and he begins" He s very well, am I? Do you want me to show you who I am?"

Holy crap! "No Yes What do youoff his face like a creature from a horror movie

His voice shakes a little "I can show you what I am"

"It doesn’t involve any kind of insertion, does it?"

He laughs softly "I guess it does In a way I’ll show you, Cassie, if you want to see"

Of course I want to see And of course I don’t want to see It’s clear he wants to show et me one step closer to Sams? But this isn’t totally about Sammy Maybe if Evan shows me, I’ll understand why he saved me when he should have killed ht to keepathis eyes out or laughing hiently bound, like the tender heart of a rose within the bud, waiting for the rain

"What do I have to do?" I whisper

He lets go of my hand Reaches toward my face I flinch "I would never hurt you, Cassie" I breathe Nod Breathe soently, a butterfly’s wings

"Relax Breathe deep Empty your mind If you don’t, I can’t come in Do you want me to come in, Cassie?"

Yes No Dear God, how far do I have to go to keep my proin inside my head like I expected Instead a delicious war from my heart outward, and my bones and muscles and skin dissolve in the warmth that spreads out from me, until the warmth overcomes the Earth and the boundaries of the universe The war outside s to it Then I feel him; he is in the warmth, too, and there’s no separation between us, no spot where I end and he begins, and I open up like a flower to the rain, achingly slow and dizzyingly fast, dissolving in the war to see, that’s just the convenient word he used because there is no word to describe him, he just is

And I open to him, a flower to the rain

72

THE FIRST THING I do after I opensobs I can’t help it: I’ve never felt so abandoned in my life