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No, not my bedroom Val’s bedrooain

Oh, screw self-pity The world doesn’t revolve around you And screw guilt You aren’t the one who rief Evan’s crying over his baby sister won’t bring her back

I have you Well, Evan, the truth is it doesn’t matter whether there are two of us or two hundred of us We don’t stand a chance Not against an ene for…what? So when I go down, at least I go down strong? What difference does that make?

I slap Bear frory snarl What the hell are you staring at? He flops over to his side, ar his hand in class to ask a question

Behind es

"Get out," I say without turning around

Another creeeeak Then a click Then silence

"Evan, are you standing outside that door?"

Pause "Yes"

"You’re kind of a lurker, you know that?"

If he answers, I don’t hear hiMy knee aches like hell, but I bite my lip and remain stubbornly on my feet, my back to the door

"Are you still there?" I say when I can’t take the silence anymore

"If you leave without me, I’ll just follow you You can’t stophelplessly, fighting back tears "Shoot you, I guess"

"Like you shot the Crucifix Soldier?"

The words hit me like a bullet between the shoulder blades I whirl around and fling open the door He flinches, but stands his ground

"How do you know about him?" Of course, there’s only one way he could know "You readto live"

"Sorry to disappoint you"

"I guess I wanted to knohat happened--"

"You’re lucky I left the gun downstairs or I would shoot you right now Do you kno creepy thatyou read that? How much did you read?"

He lowers his eyes A warm red blush spreads across his cheeks

"You read all of it, didn’t you?" I’m totally embarrassed I feel violated and ashamed It’s ten times worse than when I first woke up in Val’s bed and realized he had seen me naked That was just my body This was ive at all; it’s like I hit a slab of concrete

"I can’t believe you," I shout "You sat there--just sat there--while I lied about Ben Parish You knew the truth and you just sat there and letat the floor Like a little boy busted for breaking his mother’s antique vase "I didn’t think it mattered thatot a bad case of the jitters So here Maybe it’s the fact that he lost his whole fairlfriend or fiancée or whatever she was and forreally nothing is really doing so Maybe he’s cocooned himself on this isolated patch of Ohio far with all the shit the Others have ladled out, or maybe he’s just weird--weird before the Arrival and just as weird after--but whatever it is, so is seriously twisted about this Evan Walker He’s too calm, too rational, too cool for it to be completely, well, cool

"Why did you shoot him?" he asks quietly "The soldier in the convenience store"

"You knohy," I say I’ "Because of Sa to do with Sammy"

He looks up at ot on that bus Sah I saved you, you won’t let yourself trust rabs my hand Squeezes it hard "I’m not the Crucifix Soldier, Cassie And I’ry and I’ to do, but I do know you can’t have it both ways You can’t say you’re human in one breath and a cockroach in the next You don’t believe you’re a cockroach If you believed that, you wouldn’t have turned to face the sniper on the highway"

"Oh my God," I whisper "It was just a metaphor"

"You want to compare yourself to an insect, Cassie? If you’re an insect, then you’re a one That doesn’t have anything to do with the Others It’s always been that way We’re here, and then we’re gone, and it’s not about the time we’re here, but e do with the ti makes absolutely no sense, you know that?" I feelout ofme up

"You’re the mayfly," he murmurs

And then Evan Walker kisses ainst his chest, his other hand sliding acrossa shiver that travels downainst my palm and I can smell his breath and feel the stubble on his upper lip, a sandpapery contrast to the softness of his lips, and Evan is looking atback at hih to speak "Don’t kiss me"

He lifts me into his arirl and Daddy flungup until I reached the edge of the galaxy

He lays ain, "If you kissto knee you in the balls"

His hands are incredibly soft, like a cloud touching me

"I won’t let you just…" He searches for the right word "…fly away from me, Cassie Sullivan"

He blows out the candle beside the bed