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'Ah-hah!'

'I didn't mean--'

'Look, we're a lot further back in time than that,' said the Dean 'Thousands of years, he says No one's grandfather is alive'

'That's a lucky escape for Mister Stibbons senior, then,' said Ridcully 'No, sir,' said Ponder 'Please! What I was trying to get across, sir, is that anything you do in the past changes the future The tiniest little actions can have huge consequences You ht entirely prevent so born in the future!'

'Really?' said Ridcully 'Yes, sir!' Ridcully brightened up That's not a bad wheeze There's one or two people history could do without Any idea hoe can find the right ants?'

'No, sir!' Ponder struggled to find a crack in his Archchancellor's brain into which could be inserted the crowbar of understanding, and for a few vain seconds thought he had found one 'Becausethe ant you tread on ht tread on an ant and this'd affect history and I wouldn't be born?'

'Yes! Yes! That's it! That's right, sir!'

'How?' Ridcully looked puzzled 'I'm not descended from ants'

'Because' Ponder felt the sea ofaround him, but he refused to drown 'Wellerwell, supposing itbit aa very iet there in tiot killed – no, sorry, I et across the sea?' said Ridcully 'Clung to a piece of driftwood,' said the Dean proet even on to re to driftwood, insects, lizards, even sot up the beach and all the way to this battle?' said Ridcully 'Bird's leg,' said the Dean 'Read it in a book Even fish eggs get transported fro'

'Pretty deter his beard 'Still, I s have happened'

'Practically every day,' said the Senior Wrangler Ponder beaotiated an extended h,' Ridcully added 'Who'll tread on the ant? 'What?'

'Well, it's obvious, isn't it?' said the Archchancellor 'If I tread on this ant, then I won't exist But if I don't exist, then I can't have done it, so I won't, so I will See?' He prodded Ponder with a large, good-natured finger 'You've got some brains, Mister Stibbons, but soht to the subject in hand Things that happen stay happened It stands to reason Oh, don't look so downcast,' he said,– possibly innocently – Ponder's expression of futile rage for shaet stuck with any of this compl'cated stuff, my door's always open[14] I am your Archchancellor, after all'

'Excuse ler peevishly 'If you like' Ridcully swelled with generosity 'Because, in fact, history already depends on your treading on any ants that you happen to step on Any ants you tread on, you've already trodden on, so if you do it again it'll be for the first ti it now because you did it then Which is also now'

'Really?'

'Yes indeed'

'So we should have worn bigger boots?' said the Bursar 'Try to keep up, Bursar' Ridcully stretched and yawned 'Well, that seeet back to sleep, shall we? It's been rather a long day' Soot back to sleep, a faint light, like burning od, although only in a sh to know that while he did indeed know everything it wasn't the whole Everything, just the part of it that applied to his island Daarette tree would cause trouble He should have stopped it the et out of hand like this Of course, it had been a shame about the otherpointy creature, but it hadn't been his fault, had it? Everything had to eat So up on the island were surprising even hiether Even so, he allowed himself a little s for a s its first nicotine-laden crop That was evolution in action Trouble was, now they'd start poking around and asking questions The god, al He was in fact co aside old superstitions, breaking the shackles of irrational prejudice and, in short, exercising the brains their god had given theod, lord knows, so what they really ought to do was exercise those brains developed over millennia in response to the external stimuli and the need to control those hands with their opposable thuood idea that he was very proud of Or would have been, of course, if he existed

However, there were lio around thinking just anything The light vanished and reappeared, still circling, in the sacred cave on the mountain Technically, he knew, it wasn't in fact sacred, since you needed believers to od didn't actually want believers Usually, a god with no believers was as powerful as a feather in a hurricane, but for some reason he'd not been able to fathom he was able to function quite happily without them It may have been because he believed so fervently in hiods was irrational But he did believe in what he did He considered, rather guiltily, ht eat the intruders before they got too nosey, but then dis unworthy of adeity There were racks and racks of seeds in this part of the cave He selected one fro the pumpkin family, and picked up his tools These were unique Absolutely no one else in the world had a screwdriver that sreen shoot speared up froht of dawn, unfolded into two leaves, and went on growing Down a the rich compost of fallen leaves, white shoots writhed like worms This was no ti tap root found water After a fewplant began to wilt The lead shoot dragged itself onwards, towards the sea Tendrils just behind the advancing steer trees were used as support, bushes were uprooted and tossed aside and a tap root sprouted to take possession of the newly vacated hole The god hadn't had much time for sophistication The plant's instructions had been put together fros he kneould work At last the first shoot crossed the beach and reached the sea Roots drove into the sand, leaves unfolded, and the plant sprouted one solitary fe the sterammed this bit The whole problem with evolution, he'd told himself, was that it wouldn't obey orders Sometimes, matter thinks for itself A thin prehensile tendril bunched itself for amoth It curved back, dipped the terrified insect waist deep in the pollen of a male flower, then coiled back hiplash speed and sla petals of the female

A few seconds later the flower dropped off and the san to swell, just as the horizon began to blush with the dawn Argo nauticae uniquo was ready to produce its first, and only, fruit There was a huge windn attached to the tower read: 'Dijabringabeeralong: Check your Weapons'

'Yep, still got allthe horses forward They crossed a wooden bridge, although Rincewind couldn't see why anyone had bothered to build it It seemed a lot of effort just to cross a stretch of dry sand 'Sand?' said Mad 'That's the Lassitude River, that is!' And, indeed, a s towed by a caood time on its four heels 'A boat,' said Rincewind 'Never seen one before?'