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'Who, me? No! Some of my best friends would be dwarfs If I had any friends, I mean Er I'm Rincewind'

'Yeah? Well, I'm short-tempered,' said the dwarf 'Most people call me Mad'

'Just "Mad"? That's anunusual name'

'It ain't a name'

Rincewind stared There was no doubt that his captor was a dwarf He didn't have the traditional beard or iron helmet, but there were other little ways that you could tell There was the chin that you could break coconuts on, the fixed expression of ferocity, and the certain bullet-headedness that h walls face first And, of course, if all else failed, the fact that the top of it was about level with Rincewind's stomach was a clue Mad wore a leather suit but, like the cart, it had metal riveted on to it wherever possible Where there weren't rivets there eaponry The word 'friend' jumped into the forefront of Rincewind's brain There arefriends with so a deadly weapon at you is a the top four 'Good description,' said Rincewind 'Easy to remember' The dwarf cocked his head on one side and listened 'Blast, they're catching me up' He looked back up at Rincewind and said, 'Can you fire a crossbow?' in a way that indicated that answering 'no' was a good way to contract immediate sinus trouble 'Absolutely,' said Rincewind 'Get on the cart, then Y'know, I've been travellin' this road for years and this is the first ti,' said Rincewind There was not much room under the hatch, and most of it was taken up by rasped the reins, peered into the periscope stovepipe and urged the horses into ed back on to the track and began to get up speed 'Beaut, aren't they?' said Mad 'They can outrun anything, even with the arinal cart,' said Rincewind 'Got a few rinned evilly 'You a wizard, , yes'

'Any good?' Mad was loading another crossbow Rincewind hesitated 'No,' he said 'Lucky for you,' said Mad 'I'd have killed you if you were Can't stand wizards Bunch of sers, right?' He grasped the handles of the bent stovepipe and swivelled it around

'Here they come,' he muttered Rincewind peered over the top of Mad's head There was a piece of mirror in the bend of the pipe It showed the road behind, and half a dozen dots under another cloud of red dust 'Road gang,' said Mad 'After , they will All bastards are bastards, but sos froet up on top with a couple of crossbows, and I'll fix the supercharger'

'What? You wantat people?'

'You wanthim up the ladder Rincewind crawled out on to the top of the cart It aying and bouncing Red dust choked him and the wind tried to blow his robe over his head He hated weapons, and not just because they'd so often been aiot into more trouble if you had a weapon People shot you instantly if they thought you were going to shoot them But if you were unarmed, they often stopped to talk Aduess e're going to do to you, pal,' but that took time And Rincewind could do a lot with a few seconds He could use theer in The dots in the distance were other carts, designed for speed rather than cargo Some had four wheels, soe one between narrow shafts, with a tiny saddle on top The rider looked as though he'd bought his clothes in the scrapmetal yards of three continents and, where they wouldn't fit, had strapped on a chicken But not one as big as the chicken pulling his wheel It was bigger than Rincewind and round as fast as a horse 'What the hell's that?' he yelled 'E the harnesses 'Try and pick it off, they're a good feed!' The cart jolted Rincewind's hat whirled away into the dust 'Now I've lost ed off aat me!' A cart rattled out of the dust The rapnel bit into the ork by Rincewind's other foot and ripped off a ot a bow, right?' yelled Mad, as balancing on the back of one of the horses 'And find soo at any allop, but now it suddenly shot forward and alht off Smoke poured out of the axles The landscape blurred 'What the hell is that?'

'Supercharger!' shouted Mad, pulling hi hooves 'Secret recipe! Now hold 'eed fro behind it An arrow buried itself in the cart right between Rincewind's legs He flung hi roof, held out the crossbow, shut his eyes and fired In accordance with ancient narrative practice, the shot ricocheted off soht down an innocent bird some distance ahose only role was to expire with a suitably huside Froririn Every tooth had been sharpened to a point, and the front six had 'Mother' engraved on theo and I proo' That's my hat! Give me back my hat!'

'You're a wizard, are you?' Theeasily as the wheel bounced over the sand He waved his hands over his head 'Look at ic!' A very heavy arrow, trailing a rope, smashed into the back of the cart and stuck fast There was a cheer froive me back onna be trouble anyway,' said the rider, ai his crossbow Tell you what, why not turn reen He pitched backwards The crossbow bolt hit the driver of the cart beside him, which veered wildly into the path of another, which swerved and crashed into a camel That meant the carts behind were suddenly faced with a pile-up which, together with the absence of brakes on any vehicle, i people as well Rincewind, hands over his head, watched until the last wheel had rolled away, and then walked unsteadily along the swaying cart to where Mad was leaning on the reins

'Er, I think you can slo, Mr Mad,' he ventured 'Yeah? Killed 'em all, didja?'

'Ernot all of them Some of them just ran away'

'You kiddin' me?' The dwarf looked round 'Stone me, you ain't! Here, pull that lever as hard as you can!' He waved at a long ed it obediently Metal screaoing so fast?'

'It's a ainst the red-hot squealing 'Gives 'e jolt!' The cart had to circle for a few minutes until the adrenalin wore off, and then they went back along the track to look at the wreckage Mad swore again 'What happened!'