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'Is it, master?' There orry in Albert's voice Death's osether too quickly Of course, Albert understood why they had to do all this, but the masterwell, sometimes the master lacked the necessary mental equipment to work out what should be true and what shouldn'tAND I THINK I'VE GOT THE LAUGH WORKING REALLY WELL NOW HO HO HO 'Yeah, sir, very jolly,' said Albert He looked down at the list 'Still, work goes on, eh? The next one's pretty dose, master, so I should keep them do if I was you' JOLLY GOOD HO HO HO 'Sarah the little irl, doorway of Thimble's Pipe and Tobacco Shop, Money Trap Lane, it says here' AND WHAT DOES SHE WANT FOR HOGSWATCH? HO HO HO 'Dunno Never sent a letter By the way, just a tip, you don't have to say "Ho, ho, ho, " all the time, master Let's seeIt says here' Albert's lips moved as he read I EXPECT A DOLL IS ALWAYS ACCEPTABLE OR A SOFT TOY OF SOME DESCRIPTION THE SACK SEEMS TO KNOW WHAT'VE WE GOT FOR HER, ALBERT? HO HO HO So small was dropped into his hand 'This,' said Albert OH There was a moment of horrible silence as they both stared at the lifetiswatch,' pro' BUT THIS IS HOGSWATCHNIGHT 'Very traditional ti, I understand,' said Albert I THOUGHT IT WAS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY, said Death 'Ah, well, yes, you see, one of the things thatthere're people who ain't,' said Albert, in a oes, master Master?' No Death stood Up THIS IS HOW IT SHOULDN'T GO The University's Great Hall had been set for the Hogswatchnight Feast The tables were already groaning under the weight of the cutlery, and it would be hours before any real food was put on the the drifts of ornaod picked up a e 'Course four:crab, prawn, shrireen-lipped er Li sauce Wine: "Three Wizards" Chardonnay, Year of the Talking Frog Beer: Winkles' Old Peculiar' He put it down 'That's one course?' he said 'They're big men in the food department,' said Susan He turned the menu over On the cover was the University's coat of are letters in ardent script: η β π 'Is this sohed 'They put it on all their ht call it the unofficial motto of the University'

'What's it ave her an expectant look

'Yes?'

'Erlike, Eat a Better Pie?' said Susan 'That's what you just said, yes,' said the oh god 'Urn No You see, the letters are Ephebian characters which just sound a bit like "eat a better Pie 'Ah' Bilious nodded wisely 'I can see that ht cause confusion' Susan felt a bit helpless in the face of the look of helpful puzzlement 'No,' she said, 'in fact they are supposed to cause a little bit of confusion, and then you laugh It's called a pune or play on words Eta Beta Pi' She eyed hih,' she said 'With your h, because you're not supposed to laugh at things like this'

'Perhaps I could find that glass of e array of jugs and bottles He'd clearly given up on sense of huather the Archchancellor won't have milk in the University,' said Susan 'He says he knohere it coienic And that's a s for breakfast every day, mark you How do you know about ot, er, specific just, you know, reenend upthat sort of thing I suppose gods just know things'

'Any special god-like powers?'

'I ht be able to turn water into an enervescent drink' He pinched the bridge of his nose 'Is that any help? And it's just possible I can give people a blinding headache'

'I need to find out why e'

'Can't you ask him?'

'He won't tell me!'

'Does he throw up a lot?'

'I shouldn't think so He doesn't often eat The occasional curry, once or twice a month'

'He must be pretty thin'